For those of you who are fans of the Fantastic Four comic books you can begin your hate mail campaign to Tim Story now (well that is if you hadn’t already started after the first movie), and pray to what ever deity you believe in that he never gets another shot at a comic book movie. Now in all fairness it isn’t as bad as some other Marvel movie attempts, but if the best thing you can say about your film is that it is better than Elektra you are in deep trouble. At eighty-nine minutes the film is padded with sitcom moments and a returning villain that has no place in a story about the coming of bloody Galactus!
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer starts out with us seeing a planet being eaten by a large cloud (upon seeing The Transformers Movie
this weekend I now know were Tim Story got this visual), but soon we
are back on Earth where the arrival of the Silver Surfer is causing
strange environmental anomalies. Reed would love to investigate them
but he has promised Sue that he would keep his great intellect focused
entirely on their upcoming nuptials. The military gets pissy, Doctor
Doom shows up to “help” and Johnny is altered by the Surfer so that he
can transfer powers with a simple touch. Wackiness ensues.
Chiklis and Chris Evans once again get the best lines as Ben Grimm and
Johnny Storm, and even Ioan Gruffudd was more Reed like this time
around, but Jessica Alba was still as much an emotionless void in this
outing as she was in the first film. Julian McMahon (who I'm told is a
good actor) is so horribly, horribly miscast as Doctor Doom that every
moment he is on screen it hurts my feelings. I really wish they had
given Doug Jones the job voicing the Silver Surfer as well as the body
work because I found Laurence Fishburne's very identifiable voice
distracting at times. Andre Braugher, who I think is a damn fine actor,
was given some of the worst lines as the nasty General Hager, and I
doubt that any actor could have pulled off.
sorry but if your Fantastic Four movies concludes with our heroes
sitting on the sidelines while the Silver Surfer saves the day you need
to go back to the drawing board and rethink your strategy. The Surfer's
noble sacrifice (which you find out isn't even a sacrifice if you wait
five minutes) seems so out of left field because I can't buy his
reasoning, which is basically that Jessica Alba has shown him the true
meaning of Christmas.
My biggest gripe about
Tim Story’s version of the Fantastic Four is of course Doctor Doom, who
is thee quintessential Marvel villain, and yet in two films he comes
across as nothing more than a two-bit Snidely Whiplash clone. And as I
mentioned the character of Doom is certainly not needed in story about
the coming of The Devourer of Worlds! And I’m sorry but if Galactus
doesn’t say, “I HUNGER” than it simply isn’t Galactus, and the fact he
has no lines at all (being just a nebulous cloud with the personality of
a weather front) is just plain criminal and another waste of a classic
Shame on you Mister Story.