|Always with the smiting.|
|These things certainly weren’t in my Sunday school lessons.|
Meanwhile Seth’s people would be the ones to restore the world. (Question: How can Cain and Seth have descendants when as far as I can tell Eve was the only other woman on the planet?) Noah and his family are such magical descendants and they to seem to be wandering bleak wastelands until they come across a group of slaughtered people and one young survivor Ila, who will grow up to be Emma Watson, Noah’s wife Naameh (Jennifer Connelly) patches up the poor girl and Noah, Naameh, their three sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth are then chased by a group of marauders led by evil King Tubal-Cain (Finn Wittrock) later to be played Ray Winstone) who happens to be the man that killed Noah's father.
|“You killed my father and betrayed Indiana Jones”|
|“Put in a good word with God for me, would you?”|
|“The Lord told Noah to build him an arky, arky.”|
|“I want a shubbery”|
|“Which way to Helm’s Deep?”|
|A rare happy moment in this film.|
|When Old Faithful attacks.|
|“Sorry honey, but God told me to.”|
The movie wraps up with Ham luring his father into a trap but in the end saves Noah and stabs Tubal-Cain, the ark runs aground on a mountaintop, Ila gives birth to twin girls, blade in hand Noah goes after them but at the last minute, with a dagger over their hearts, he realizes that he has too much love in his own heart to stab babies. Give this man a Nobel Peace Prize.
The family settles into their new home, Naameh forgives Noah for almost killing her grandkids, Shem and Ila are happy parents, but Ham is basically “Screw this and a bag of chips” and takes off for parts unknown. Can you blame him?
|“We are family.”|