Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990-1993) – Review

In 1984, comic book authors Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird took their love of the superhero genre and gave it a nice, humorous spin on things, borrowing liberally from Daredevil and the Uncanny X-Men while adding the comic tradition of utilizing anthropomorphic animals such as Howard the Duck to provide a nice element of parody. The successful run of their comic led to a billion-dollar toy explosion and an incredibly popular cartoon for children, which was certainly not the market the original comic book was aimed at, but with that kind of success, it was only a matter of time before a live-action family-friendly version was attempted.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

When talking about live-action adaptations of comic book properties this 1990s gem is often overlooked and while it may not be tonally a perfect version of the Eastman and Laird comic, which borrowed heavily from Frank Miller and Jack Kirby, it certainly has the heart and feel of the animated series that was airing at the time. The success of this film comes mostly from the incredible work done by the people at Jim Henson’s Creature Shop and the talented stunt performers who were able to fully realize four amazing ninja turtles. One should also point out that Elias Koteas was a picture-perfect Casey Jones and Judith Hoag more than held her own as April O’Neil.

 

As for the plot, well, it basically re-worked elements of Oliver Twist with the villainous Shredder becoming a modern-day Fagan to a group of disenfranchised youths – hey, look it’s a young Sam Rockwell – and the idea of a secret ninja clan that steals stereos and VCRs while hanging out in a place that looks like a half-assed Pleasure Island from Disney’s Pinocchio, is a bit silly but somehow it all works. Overall, this adaptation of the Eastman and Laird comic is still one of the best, with the 2007 animated version giving it a run for its money and is certainly better than Michael Bay-produced atrocities.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

The first film ended with the Shredder being dropped into the back of a garbage truck, with the crusher activated by Casey Jones, but he survive this as we see in this sequel that Shredder climbed out of a mound of garbage at a local junkyard, apparently having survived that crushing, but the raises a big question “Why didn’t the police open the garbage truck to recover the Shredder’s body?” Didn’t Casey Jones or April O’Neill mention any of this to the police? And hey, it turns out that particular junkyard was also the Foot Clan’s fallback rendezvous spot, so the Shredder didn’t even have to catch a bus. How bloody convenient!

 

Seriously, this is what you get when lazy writers want to bring back a vanquished villain instead of coming up with something clever, or how about bringing in any of the other bad guys the Turtles have faced over the years? On the plus side, we do get David Warner as an unscrupulous scientist trying to cover up a toxic waste leak, which leads to the Shredder creating a mutant wolf and snapping turtle – that legal issues prevented it from being Bebop and Rocksteady from the cartoon is a real shame – and while we do get some fun action sequences, and the suits from Jim Henson’s Creature Shop are even more articulate this time out, but the movie itself is a definite step back in the quality of writing with the film’s juvenile dialogue often being quite cringe-worthy and will make it unbearable for many adults and while it was nice to see Ernie Reyes Jr. being allowed to step outside his turtle costume from the previous movie, to become a friend and ally for the Turtles, we are given no explanation as to where Casey Jones vanished to and he is greatly missed.

Overall, the mixture of comedy and martial arts violence didn’t quite hit the proper balance this time out and it made the whole proceedings seem even more cartoony. Also, if your big climax involves Vanilla Ice singing “Ninja Rap” then maybe you should rethink the entire concept and start from scratch.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

In this third and final instalment of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trilogy, we find our heroes travelling back in time, which is not an intrinsically bad idea – the Turtles did venture back to Feudal Japan in the comic book – sadly, for this entry the comedy and unfunny quips are increased by a factor of ten, so any enjoyment of a new setting is undercut bad writing and nonsensical action.

Note: Jim Henson’s Creature Shop was no longer providing the animatronic suits and this resulted in a major step back in quality as the work by All Effects Company was more on par with what you’d find wandering around a theme park and taking pictures with the guests.

Casey Jones does return, having been absent from the previous film due to the criticism that his character was too violent for a kid’s film, but what is truly disappointing is that even though Elias Koteas is back, and given a dual role as 16th Century mercenary, he has pretty much nothing to do in either role. These filmmakers really knew how to ruin a fan’s favourite character. Overall, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III tried something interesting with the addition of time travel but then failed to deliver decent action or anything even remotely funny, as the comedy on display ranged from juvenile to simply unfunny, and this is all quite disappointing when you consider that a movie about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Feudal Japan should have been badass, instead, what we got was a final chapter that fell faster than fake time sceptre in a well.

Voodoo Island (1957) – Review

If you’re expecting a thrilling, spine-tingling adventure packed with dark magic and voodoo curses, Voodoo Island might leave you as lifeless as the zombies it barely features. This low-budget island horror film promises supernatural terror but mostly delivers sluggish jungle trekking, bad special effects, and a serious lack of, well…voodoo.

For this entry, you will find no adventure, no horror-filled tale of voodoo curses, terrifying zombies, or dark magic. Voodoo Island will politely take your expectations, crumple them up and toss them into a man-eating plant. Because what you actually get is a sluggish jungle expedition in what might be cinema’s most unconvincing supernatural horror. We begin with Phillip Knight (Boris Karloff), a professional debunker of supernatural hoaxes. This man has probably seen it all and now looks like he’s running on nothing but irritation and a mild disdain for the script. He’s been hired by a wealthy hotel tycoon named Howard Carlton (Owen Cunningham), who wants to build a luxury resort on a mysterious South Pacific Island. The problem? The last group of surveyors who went there didn’t return in the best of shape—one of them came back completely catatonic. Now, if you or I had heard that, we might rethink our travel plans, but Carlton just sees dollar signs and sends another group to check things out.

Knight assembles a small team to accompany him to the island, including:

• Sarah Adams (Jean Engstrom) – Knight’s assistant and the only one with an ounce of common sense.
• Barney Finch (Murvyn Vye) – Carlton’s business associate who is concerned about the financial implications of the supposed curse. He exists solely to be greedy and dismissive.
• Claire Winter (Beverly Tyler) – The resort’s designer, who is brought along for no other reason than to look scared and become a victim.
• Doctor Wilding (Herbert Patterson) – He’s brought along to keep an eye on the final “member” of the team, Mitchell.
• Mitchell (Glenn Dixon) – The zombified surveyor of the previous expedition who Knight wants along to find out if his catatonic state is a hoax, voodoo or something else.

 

“Is he suffering from voodooism or boredom?”

After a brief stopover at a weather station, they make their way to a nearby resort owned by Martin Schuler (Elisha Cook Jr), who provides them with the boat they’ll need to reach “Voodoo Island.” It’s captained by Matthew Gunn (Rhodes Reason) whose sole job seems to be hitting on the ladies and attempting to play the hero. He’s very bad at both. It’s made abundantly clear that the locals are 100% NOT ON BOARD with this little excursion – a cursed bag is left on the deck of their boat that indicates that they will all die – but of course, everyone ignores this because they know they’re in a ’50s horror movie.   As soon as they start out on their little trip, things go from “mildly concerning” to “we should have stayed on the boat.” Strange things start happening—some of them hear eerie noises, or feel like they’re being watched, but worst of all… killer plants make an appearance. Yes, this film’s version of terror includes carnivorous vines that look like something your grandma might use as a Halloween decoration on the front lawn. They lunge at people with the speed and agility of a tired sloth, but somehow, they manage to take out a member of the group.

 

“Goodbye, Claire, we barely knew you.”

It’s at this point that Sarah Adams begins to rethink her career choices as the ominous vibes of the island starts get to her, and she begins to wonder if being a cold analytical researcher is going to keep her safe, or if embracing the warm arms of Gunn would be a better alternative, even though he’s a bit of a sexist asshat.  At this point, the group has spent a good chunk of the film’s runtime wandering through the jungle, arguing about whether the island is cursed or not. Knight remains annoyingly skeptical while Finch demands they return to the boat, but Knight warns the group that if they retrace their steps, the local voodoo practitioners will descend on them with lethal intent. Which sounds totally logical. So, instead of turning back, they press forward, practically daring the island to ruin them.

 

And Finch does end up a little ruined.

Eventually, the final penny drops and our plucky adventurers are captured by the locals and it’s here that we learn island’s backstory from the Native Chief (Friedrich von Ledebur), that fifty years ago his people had fled to this island to escape the encroachment of the white man’s world, relying on the island’s killer plants and their own voodoo practices to remove or kill unwanted visitors. Knight promises that if let go, he will ensure that no one ever returns to this island. Unfortunately, Schuyler sees this as reneging on the promises of riches he’d receive if this island had been turned into a resort, and he loudly states his position in front of the Chief. Needless to say, this insanely stupid declaration results in his death – voodoo magic sends him falling off a bridge into the water below – and then our remaining “heroes” are let go. To say this conclusion is a tad anticlimactic would be a vast understatement.

 

“As a resort, I give this place one star.”

Stray Observations:

• This is the film debut of Adam West, he plays the scintillating character of Weather Station #4 Radio Operator. I guess you have to start somewhere.
• It should be noted that Voodoo is associated with the Caribbean, not the South Pacific. But hey, why let facts like proper location and culture get in the way of telling a story?
• The lush, dangerous jungle feels about as real as a theme park attraction, and you wouldn’t be surprised if a guy in a Mickey Mouse suit wandered through the background.
• We don’t arrive at “Voodoo Island” until about the film’s halfway point, which is not ideal when the title of the movie is Voodoo Island.
• Rhodes Reason would later take an expedition to another dangerous island, Farou Island in King Kong vs. Godzilla, where he’d have a little better luck with the ladies.
• The script ever so subtly hints that Claire is a lesbian; she hits on Sarah and rebuffs Gunn’s advances. Sadly, she is killed before Sarah is given a chance to choose between two suitors.
• The voodoo dolls in this movie veer between cute and cuddly Cabbage Patch Dolls to the more needle-friendly version.

 

These would be a hit at the resort gift shop.

One of the film’s biggest flaws is its pacing, considering a movie about voodoo curses, reanimated bodies, and jungle dangers. Voodoo Island moves at a snail’s pace, filled with long, talky stretches that sap any energy the premise might have had. The supposed threats—whether supernatural or natural—are disappointingly tame, and the film never fully embraces the pulpy potential of its setup. Despite the title, there’s almost no actual voodoo—just vague mentions of curses and some brief glimpses of unsettling island inhabitants and those dolls. Then there’s the obviously limited budget, which leaves us with cheap-looking jungle sets and one of the least convincing “man-eating plants” in movie history.

 

Audrey II, this is not.

Karloff, usually a commanding screen presence, seems oddly detached as if he knows the material isn’t up to par and as for the supporting cast, they are largely forgettable, save for a few overacted moments that provide unintentional amusement. That said, Voodoo Island isn’t a total loss. There’s a mild sense of adventure, some amusingly dated dialogue, and a few so-bad-they’re-good moments that could make this worth a watch for die-hard fans of classic B-movie horror. The eerie tropical setting—while not particularly well utilized—at least provides a unique backdrop. 

 

“Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.”

In conclusion, Voodoo Island is neither spooky enough to be a good horror film nor entertaining enough to be a fun adventure. Even Karloff devotees may struggle to stay engaged. The true curse of Voodoo Island isn’t supernatural—it’s the curse of boredom.

The Black Sleep (1956) – Review

The horror genre is rife with mad scientists – it’s the most popular occupation to hold in this genre – and today we will be looking at another macabre gem from the golden age of horror cinema. But what is surprising about this entry is that with a cast that includes Basil Rathbone, Bela Lugosi, John Carradine, Tor Johnson and Lon Chaney Jr. The Black Sleep is a mostly forgotten entry in the genre.

The story centres around Sir Joel Cadman (Basil Rathbone), a brilliant but morally ambiguous surgeon who uses a mysterious drug called to induce a death-like state in his patients. The film opens with the execution of Dr. Gordon Ramsay (Herbert Rudley), who was wrongfully convicted of murdering local moneylender Mr. Curry (Tor Johnson). As he awaits his fate in a grim Victorian prison, Sir Joel Cadman visits him and offers him a chance at life, presenting Ramsay with a potion that he calls “The Black Sleep,” which will only induces a death-like coma and not death itself. With no other options, Ramsay agrees, and after consuming the potion he appears to die and escapes the hangman’s noose.

 

“Would you like to have your Death Certificate framed?”

Aided by Cadman’s assistant Odo (Akim Tamiroff), an odious body snatcher, Ramsay is clandestinely taken from the prison and whisked off to Cadman’s hidden laboratory located in a spook old abbey. Grateful but perplexed, Ramsay soon discovers the true nature of Cadman’s work. Cadman has been using “The Black Sleep” to conduct experimental brain surgeries on unwilling subjects, aiming to perfect his techniques and cure his comatose wife, Angelina (Louanna Gardner), who suffers from a brain tumour. Encounters with the creepy mute butler Casimir (Bela Lugosi) and a rampaging man called Mungo (Lon Chaney Jr.)  – who turns out to once have been a former teacher of Ramsay named Doctor Monroe – but he has since become a mindless brute due to Cadman’s experimentation.

 

“Mungo only pawn in game of life.”

Ramsay grapples with a moral dilemma: whether to assist Cadman in his gruesome work or find a way to stop him, while also keeping his neck out of the hangman’s noose. Not an easy decision but his resolve is truly tested when he meets Laurie (Patricia Blair), a nurse who has been coerced into aiding Cadman and who is also the daughter of Mungo/Doctor Monroe. As Ramsay delves deeper into Cadman’s world, he and Laurie discover a labyrinthine basement filled with the doctor’s failed experiments. Among these atrocities are the presumed murdered Mr. Curry and a bearded madman (John Carradine) who spouts religious dogma and damnation. Needless to say, things do not bode well for our hero and heroine.

 

This is why working with a mad scientist is problematic at best.

Stray Observations:

• This film marked Bela Lugosi’s last completed role before his death in August 1956, although some scenes featuring Lugosi shot later were included in Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space.
• United Artists released this film as part of a double feature with 1955’s The Quatermass Xperiment which I’ll admit is a fun double-bill.
• Cadman is against the Death Penalty, stating “I don’t believe that any government has the right to take a human life” but because he is a mad scientist, he has the addendum “Only should life be taken when unavoidable necessary. For example, in the furtherance of medical science.” Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all.
• A nine-year-old boy died of a ruptured artery in the cinema lobby at one screening of The Black Sleep which put the film in the Guinness Book of Records as the only known case of someone literally dying of fright at a horror movie.
• Cadman’s laboratory is accessed through a secret panel hidden within a large fireplace, a piece of architecture that should have tipped off Ramsay that he was working with a mad scientist.
• The abominations of Cadman’s experiments turn on their “Master” and break free to unleash their revenge. Cadman really should have seen this coming.

 

I guess Cadman never read The Island of Doctor Moreau.

While not groundbreaking for its time, The Black Sleep is an excellent example of Gothic mad science, with director Reginald Le Borg effectively utilizing the claustrophobic atmosphere, shadowy corridors and dimly lit laboratories to create an atmosphere of unending dread. This is all aided by the wonderful black-and-white cinematography by Gordon Avil, who enhances the film’s Gothic feel, casting long, ominous shadows that amplify the tension. The set design, particularly the eerie abbey where much of the story unfolds, contributes significantly to the film’s unsettling mood. But aside from its classic horror look, the film does a surprisingly good job of delving into themes of medical ethics, the limits of scientific exploration and the consequences of tampering with life and death. While the narrative occasionally veers into melodrama, it maintains a consistent air of suspense and horror. That said, I had to laugh at the moralistic exchange between Ramsay and Cadman.

Ramsay: “You’re a madman with an obsession.”
Cadman: “Nothing will stand in the way of my work.”
Ramsay: “I will. Now I must ask you to allow me to leave.”

 

I’d like to know how he expect this exchange to end?

Of course, what makes this film worth checking out is its top-notch cast and at the top is Basil Rathbone delivering a compelling performance as a man willing to do anything for love, exuding both charisma and menace at every turn. When he lays out his justifications for his actions you know just how far around the corner this man has gone. “I would put my knife into the brains of a hundred men, a thousand, and destroy them all if I could restore her to me for only one day.” His portrayal of a man driven to madness by love and obsession is both chilling and captivating, but he’s not alone, his supporting cast mates of horror icons elevates this entry for fans of classic horror, and while Bela Lugosi his limited screen time his presence adds a touch of eerie gravitas to the film. Even if many of these horror icons were stuck with mute performances it’s great to see them all together.

 

A very messed up family.

In conclusion, The Black Sleep is a captivating slice of 1950s horror, offering a blend of science fiction and Gothic elements that will appeal to fans of classic horror cinema. While it may not reach the heights of genre masterpieces, it remains a noteworthy entry, particularly for its stellar cast and the eerie ambience it creates. For those seeking a journey into the dark corners of vintage horror, this entry provides a chilling and memorable experience.

The Maze (1953) – Review

The 1950s 3D craze produced some very fun offerings, Vincent Price’s House of Wax being one of the best offerings, but one that is often overlooked came out the same year as that Price classic, William Cameron Menzies’ The Maze.

Our tale begins with Gerald MacTeam (Richard Carlson), a dashing Scotsman who is engaged to the lovely Kitty Murray (Veronica Hurst) but after learning of his uncle’s death he is forced to rush off to his ancestral castle in the Scottish Highlands. After hearing nothing back from her absent fiancé for six weeks, and feeling a little jilted, she receives a telegram stating that Gerald is breaking off her engagement. Alas, Kitty is not the type of heroine to take such rejection lying down, so she sets off to the spooky MacTeam ancestral home, Castle Craven, with her aunt, Edith Murray (Katherine Emery), determined to uncover the truth behind Gerald’s baffling behaviour. What unfolds is a spine-tingling adventure through dark corridors, shadowy corners, and, of course, the titular maze. And with this outing, director William Cameron Menzies provides us with all the necessary ingredients for a true Gothic horror movie.

 

Creepy butler? Check.

Upon arrival at the Craven Castle, Kitty and Edith are met with a series of strange and unsettling events, not only is Gerald incredibly curt and rude, ordering them to leave the very next morning, but he also appears to have aged twenty years since they last saw him. Gerald’s increasingly erratic behaviour and the presence of a bizarre creature roaming the grounds at night compounds the mystery. The castle staff, including the loyal but secretive butler, William (Michael Pate) add to the atmosphere of dread with their cryptic warnings and evasive answers.

 

Secret Passageway? Check.

As Kitty and Edith delve deeper into the mystery, they discover the true nature of the curse that haunts the MacTeam family. The secret lies within the labyrinthine maze adjacent to the castle. In a dramatic climax, the maze reveals its horrifying secret: a monstrous, amphibious creature that is the result of a centuries-old family curse. It turns out the amphibious creature was the actual 200-year-old master of the castle, transformed by a genetic mutation. Gerald, burdened by his family’s dark legacy, has been trying to protect Kitty from the curse, leading to his strange behaviour and the abrupt ending of their engagement. In the end, Kitty’s love and determination help Gerald break free from the curse, resulting in a disastrous confrontation and a bittersweet ending.

 

A tale as old as time this is not.

Stray Observations:

• The movie opens with a strange fourth-wall-breaking moment with Aunt Edith addressing the audience directly, and while this sort of thing was utilized in Universal’s Frankenstein, in this film, Edith breaks into the narrative several times throughout the picture.
• When Kitty discovers large wet footprints, that look as if left by a web-footed creature, I half expected her to call in the Scooby gang.
• Richard Carlson’s fear of amphibious menaces will become even more grounded a year later in The Creature from the Black Lagoon.
• In the House of Wax the 3D gimmick utilized a carnival type barker launching paddle-balls into the audience, in this film it is two dudes swinging a woman out at us during a dance routine.
• Gerald claims that all Scottish castles had mazes and while that isn’t exactly true Scotland is home to some truly impressive ones, The Traquair Maze for instance, of course, that one wasn’t planted until 1981.
• Since the story of Bluebeard, women have consistently ignored such directives as “Never go in that room” as well as “The west wing is forbidden” and in this case “Don’t go in the maze.”

 

I hope Jack Nicholson isn’t in there.

The castle itself is a character in its own right, dripping with atmosphere and secrets that beg to be unearthed. It’s safe to say that The Maze is a visual treat, especially considering it was one of the early films shot in 3D, and director William Cameron Menzies, who is known for his masterful art direction, uses shadows and lighting to create atmospheric tension that permeates the entire film. The castle, with its labyrinthine passages and the eerie, fog-laden maze, is practically a character in itself, adding to the film’s claustrophobic and unsettling mood. Menzies makes sure that every frame is filled with Gothic flair and creeping dread.

 

Well-lit by candlelight.

On the acting front, Richard Carlson is suitably brooding as the troubled Gerald, delivering a compelling performance of a man tormented by an unknown horror, then there is Veronica Hurst who shines as Kitty, her tenacity and courage driving the narrative forward. The not one of the two lovers, Katherine Emery’s portrayal of Aunt Edith should not be overlooked as she adds depth to the story, providing a counterbalance to Kitty’s youthful determination with her own brand of mature skepticism and strength, adding a touch of sophistication and wit, which all goes toward making for a delightful trio of leads who navigate the film’s peculiar turns with aplomb.

 

“I hope you’re not here to tell me there’s a frog-like creature in this castle?”

Now, let’s talk about the elephant—or should I say the frog in the room. The twist in The Maze is one for the ages, teetering on the edge of absurdity but delivered with such earnestness that you can’t help but go along for the ride. Does it make any kind of scientific sense? Absolutely not, and while the film’s conclusion does take a giant leap into the bizarre, it will leave you simultaneously baffled and delighted. It should also be noted that this is possibly the first film to mention the scientific discipline of teratology, and perhaps the first to discuss the now-discredited concept of prenatal phylogenetic evolution.

 

Teratology was definitely left out of my high school curriculum.

The frog creature may look goofy – Menzies does his best to limit its screen-time – but the weakest element of the film has to do with Kitty inviting a bunch of friends and relatives, including a doctor, in the hope of discovering what is wrong with Gerald. Sadly, they don’t add much to the plot and are only around to receive the drawing room explanation as if they’d wandered in from an Agatha Christie mystery. It seems rather unnecessary and seems more like something added to expand the film’s rather short run time.

 

“The frog did it in the library with a lily pad.”

At its core, The Maze explores themes of curiosity, transformation, and the dark secrets that lie within family legacies, not to mention the chances of you becoming a frog. The film cleverly uses the maze as a metaphor for the twists and turns of uncovering hidden truths, both external and internal, and its final revelation, while surprising, is a bold narrative choice that may divide viewers but undeniably cements the film’s place in cult classic territory. While this entry may not be as widely known as other horror classics from the 1950s, it offers a richly atmospheric experience that showcases Menzies’ directorial prowess. Its unique storyline, combined with strong performances and striking visuals, make it a must-watch for fans of Gothic horror and classic cinema.

 

“Froggy Went A Courtin.”

In conclusion, The Maze is a delightful slice of vintage horror that’s equal parts eerie and eccentric, it is a fascinating piece of cinematic history that offers a glimpse into the horror and mystery genres of the 1950s. Its strengths lie in its atmospheric setting, suspenseful storytelling, and pioneering 3D effects. While it may show its age in some areas, the film remains a captivating watch for fans of classic cinema and those interested in the evolution of horror.

China O’Brien II (1990) – Review

When a film is successful it’s quite common to rush a sequel into production – strike while the iron is hot – but with China O’Brien II this was not the case, in this instance, Golden Harvest was counting on director Robert Clouse and star Cynthia Rothrock to deliver not only a good action film but it’s sequel as well and that they were to be shot concurrently. And while this does save time and money, the result can vary in quality.

The film opens with China O’Brien (Cynthia Rothrock) firmly establishing her role as the sheriff of Beaver Creek, a small town. She has successfully brought peace and order to the town with the help of her deputies, Matt Conroy (Richard Norton) and Dakota (Keith Cooke). She’s done such a great job the town has been designated the safest community in the state – if you know movies that kind of claim is never going to last long – and before you can say “Scorpion Kick” vicious Vietnam veteran turned notorious drug kingpin Charlie Baskin (Harlow Marks) has escaped from prison, murdering a few guards in the process, and is now vowing revenge against those who betrayed him and put him behind bars. Can you guess what town he’s going to end up in?

 

“Dammit, we just got voted safest town in America.”

After sending a variety of hitman to take out the cops and judge who send him up the very there’s only one more target on his list, and that man is Frank Atkins (Frank Magner) who not only helped put Baskin away but may also have some of his Baskin’s ill-gotten gains and is living in Beaver Creek as part of the Witness Protection Program.  It doesn’t take long for Charlie’s goons—led by a parade of leather-jacketed, sneering baddies who look like they were rejected from a Billy Idol video—to descend on the town of Beaver Creek.  Their mistake? Picking a fight in China O’Brien’s town. As the bad guys lurk and skulk, China patrols the town, busting skulls and issuing traffic citations with equal flair. There are bar fights, warehouse brawls, and so many kicks that the local boot store probably sponsored production. The only chance the villains have is that our heroes aren’t always on the ball.

 

“Well, this is kind of embarrassing.”

Charlie Baskin, infuriated that a small-town sheriff keeps annihilating his best men with spinning back-kicks, escalates the conflict and kidnaps Frank’s wife and child—classic villain move. But this is China O’Brien, and she doesn’t play by anyone’s rules, not even her own. Hell, I don’t even know if she understands the rules that govern a compelling or coherent narrative, but who needs logic or rationality when she has Dakota and Matt at her side. As the heat goes on and the Baskin’s evil shenanigans ramp up, China is forced to go full-on Kung Fu Justice League, taking the fight to streets like the third act of a Jean-Claude Van Damme fever dream.

 

“Well, China, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.”

Watching this sequel I had one immediate question “Does China O’Brien think she’s Batman?” Due to the shooting of a kid at the beginning of the previous film China now refuses to carry a gun, which leads me to this next question “Can you even legally be a sheriff if you don’t carry a gun?” That she continues upholding this stupid “No Gun” oath is one of the dumbest elements of this sequel. When you have a drug lord and a gang of ruthless Vietnam veterans holding your town hostage maybe don’t rely on a series of roundhouse kicks to save the day. The whole movie feels like an extended episode of a low-budget ’80s cop show—but with worse lighting and even cheesier music. Yet at only 92 minutes, it somehow feels much, much longer.

 

“Our plan is to take over the town during the commercial break.”

Stray Observations:

• One of Baskin’s targets is taken out by an assassin as a stripper, what’s amazing is that she finishes her striptease before blowing away her target, which is a surprising work ethic for a professional killer.
• The FBI agent in charge of Witness Protection blames the villains finding Frank Atkins on Frank himself, that he blew his own cover, but we see no evidence of this. Worst of all, the agent then shows no interest in getting Frank to safety. If only the FBI had the same work ethic as professional killers.
• It’s obvious there is a leak in the FBI but what’s weird is that it’s not the callous agent, instead, it’s a completely different one. Did the screenwriter fall asleep at the wheel?
• The villains have a magic device that blocks all radio transmission but somehow allows them to use their own walk-talkies. These are Bond level villains here, so I don’t buy it.
• The first film teased the fact that China O’Brien knew how to use a bow and arrow but she never used one in that outing, and while she finally does use one here, it’s to fire only one bloody arrow.

 

“My department has a very small arrow budget.”

As disappointing and generic as the plot of this film is Cynthia Rothrock’s performance as the titular China O’Brien remains its saving grace. Her martial arts skills are impressive and she brings a certain charisma to the role, however, the script does not give her much to work with in terms of character development. Richard Norton and Keith Cooke, who also return, were given even less to work with this time around and nothing worse than a poorly utilized Richard Norton. But perhaps the worst offence is that the film manages to be both cartoonishly violent and mind-numbingly dull. Every line of dialogue is either exposition or macho posturing. The pacing drags like a car stuck in first gear and that plot wouldn’t pass muster as an episode of Dukes of Hazzard. 

 

“Could you kidnap us later, we’re trying to have a good time.”

If anything can be said about Cynthia’s US output is that it tended to be hampered by viable or even interesting opponents – usually one blatantly evil head villain and a dozen or more faceless goons whose sole job is to get kicked in the face and then fall down – and while seeing the hero defeating an army of thugs is par for the case for this genre it’d be nice if half of them didn’t look as if they worked at Home Depot. And let’s talk about acting. Rothrock is physically impressive, sure—but she emotes like a robot trying to feel things for the first time. And while Richard Norton is always fun to watch and returns to flex his accent and do a few spin kicks, everyone else in the cast seems to be competing in a race to the bottom of the charisma barrel.

 

The dead are the lucky ones.

While China O’Brien II offers some competent martial arts action it is bogged down by that weak script, underdeveloped characters and uninspired direction – it’s hard to believe the director of Enter the Dragon helmed this film – but fans of Cynthia Rothrock and martial arts cinema might find some enjoyment in the fight scenes, sadly, the film offers little to distinguish itself from its predecessor or other similar action films of the era. For those seeking a more engaging and well-rounded movie experience, this sequel is likely to disappoint.

China O’Brien (1990) – Review

Cynthia Rothrock is a name synonymous with martial arts and action cinema and in the 80s she had carved a nice niche in a predominantly male-dominated genre, but after making quite a name for herself in Hong Kong the people at Golden Harvest decided to raise her profile in North America by teaming her up with Enter the Dragon director Robert Clouse for her first action film set in the good ole U.S of A.

The film begins with China O’Brien (Cynthia Rothrock), a skilled martial artist and police officer, working in the big city where we see her teaching a group of students at her dojo, but when a disgruntled student challenges her to meet five of his friends for a showdown to prove her skills – which is set to take place in an alley because that sounds like a legit setting for a competition – tragedy strike.  Instead of a five “friends” she is confronted by a street gang. Things go from bad to worse when China is forced to gun down a figure who was about to shoot her pupil, sadly, it turns out that figure was a young boy and his death at China’s hands leaves her emotionally shattered. This leads her to resign from the police force, swearing to never use a gun again. She then leaves the Big City to return to her rural hometown in Utah, with the hope of finding a fresh start.

 

“Gee Dad, I hope you aren’t horribly killed.”

Upon her return, China reconnects with her father, Sheriff John O’Brien (David Blackwell), who has been struggling to maintain law and order in his town. This once peaceful town is now plagued by corruption and violence, with  Sommers (Steven Kerby), a local crime lord who controls corrupt Deputy Marty Lickner (Patrick Adamson) and has corrupt local Judge Harry Godar (Will C. Hazlett) and the payroll to help cover up his organization’s evil shenanigans. But exactly how evil are these shenanigans? Sommers not only runs the local drug manufacturing and distribution business but he illegally logs from the locals for his lumber mill – who knew log poaching was even a thing – needless to say, he also has a hand in the local prostitution racket. But that’s not enough, he’s also a sadist who ties up and beats the whores who work for him, keeping them imprisoned at his ranch.

 

Fifty Shades of Evil.

To take on this criminal empire, China enlists the help of Matt Conroy (Richard Norton), a former high school sweetheart and now a local teacher, and Dakota (Keith Cooke) a mysterious figure with a prosthetic hand and grudge of his own that needs settling. Things kick off when her father and honest deputy Ross Tyler (Chad Walker) are killed by car bombs that were planted by Sommers’s henchmen, which results in an emergency election being called to elect a new sheriff. So of course China throws her hat in the ring. Matt, though reluctant at first, is drawn back into the fight by his lingering feelings for China and his sense of duty. Dakota, with his exceptional martial arts skills, is eager to join the cause. Together, they form a formidable team, one that is determined to rid the town of corruption.

 

The Three Amigos.

Stray Observations:

• China O’Brien agrees to meet a student from her dojo in an alley so that she can prove her ability to beat up five guys. Are we sure she’s a cop? This doesn’t seem all that ethical or legal.
• We see a picture of China and her father that shows her holding a bow and arrow, sadly, that bit of “Chekov’s Gun” will have to wait for the sequel to pay off.
• After beating the crap out of six or seven guys you’ll hear an asshole call out to China “It’s your turn now, bitch!” Was he not been keeping up on current events?
• It was nice to see the always-reliable Richard Norton take a break from his usual villainous roles to play Rothrock’s love interest. That he just so happens to be an ex-special forces veteran is a given.
• If a sheriff and his deputy were killed in car bombings wouldn’t some outside law enforcement look into this? Sheriff John O’Brien was to have met with the FBI prior to his death, so you’d think they at least would be a little curious.
• Sommers sends a machine-gun-toting villain to spray bullets at China’s celebratory party after she wins the election, but for some reason, he didn’t tell his goons that maybe shooting China should be a priority over blasting at the decorations and condiments.
• Keith Cooke plays a Native American despite his having absolutely no Native American ancestry, which is something you could get away with in this era but not anymore.

 

“I’ll just shoot cultural appropriations in the face.”

This movie doesn’t go about trying to reinvent the wheel, instead, it relies on tried-and-true genre cliches. Your dad is killed by a powerful underworld organization? Well, I guess it’s time to run for Sheriff and take on an army of goons. It’s that kind of movie. While this may not be a groundbreaking film in terms of its storyline, it excels in delivering high-octane martial arts action and a memorable performance by Cynthia Rothrock. As for her co-stars, Richard Norton and Keith Cooke, they provide solid support as Matt Conroy and Dakota, respectively and more than hold their own in the ass kicking department. The camaraderie and chemistry between the trio make their alliance believable and engaging. It’s safe to say that the acting on display isn’t the greatest, Rothrock and Norton are better than most but the other “actors” in this movie would have a hard time giving directions to the washroom in a believable fashion.

 

“We need to find a better class of extras.”

Produced by Fred Weintraub, this entry does an excellent job combining elements of a classic Western with martial arts action to tell this modern story, exploring themes of justice, redemption, and resilience. As for our hero, Cynthia Rothrock’s charisma is undeniable, and her martial arts prowess is on full display in every scene. Whether she’s taking down thugs in a bar brawl or facing off against the main villain’s goons, Rothrock delivers a flurry of kicks and punches that are both graceful and devastating. Simply put, the action sequences in China O’Brien are pure gold with each fight meticulously choreographed, showcasing Rothrock’s incredible skills and athleticism. The stunts are thrilling, the moves are jaw-dropping, and the bad guys don’t stand a chance.

 

She’s a cymbal of badass heroism.

Cynthia Rothrock’s impact on martial arts cinema extends beyond her filmography. She broke barriers for women in the genre, proving that female martial artists could be as compelling and bankable as their male counterparts. Her dedication to her craft and willingness to perform her own stunts inspired a generation of martial artists and action stars. Rothrock’s contributions to martial arts cinema have left an indelible mark, inspiring countless individuals to pursue their passions and challenge the status quo and the character of China O’Brien was a perfect showcase for her talents. With this action packed entry – which was shot concurrently with its sequel – we could have had a great franchise but due to uncontrollable events, such as Rothrock tied to a Sylvester Stallone movie – that never even got made – there was no China O’Brien three and four.

 

“Get my agent on the phone, I want to kick his ass.”

In conclusion, China O’Brien is a cult classic that continues to be appreciated for its action sequences and Cynthia Rothrock’s dynamic performance. It’s a film that celebrates its genre, offering a blend of action, drama, and a strong, resilient female lead. For fans of martial arts cinema, China O’Brien is a must-watch, showcasing why Cynthia Rothrock remains an enduring figure in the genre. If there was ever to be a female-led Expendables movie, I’d certainly hope to see Rothrock on the roster.