Excalibur (1981) – Review

There have been many movies depicting the legend of King Arthur over the years with varying degrees of success, from Disney’s animated classic The Sword and the Stone to being wonderfully lampooned in Monty Python and the Holy Grail and even Ritchie's attempt at an Arthurian franchise with King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, but most will agree that one of the best attempts at bringing the magic of the Arthurian stories to life would be John Boorman’s Excalibur, a movie that wisely took its inspiration from the 15th-century Arthurian romance Le Morte d'Arthur by Thomas Malory and its allegory of the cycle of birth, life, decay, and restoration, all of which Boorman brought dynamically to life.

 As with its source material John Boorman’s Excalibur has a very episodic structure to it, covering many of the big events in the Arthurian legend that took place over a rather long span of time, with the film opening on Merlin (Nicol Williamson) aiding Uther Pendragon (Gabriel Byrne ) on his securing of an alliance with the land’s many rival lords, only to piss it all away by getting all hot and bothered upon seeing the beautiful Igrayne (Katrine Boorman) and demanding Merlin help him seduce her. This not only ends the alliance, she being married to a rival duke who isn’t up for sharing, but it also produces an heir, one who Merlin quickly claims as payment of a debt.

 

A very expensive booty call.

The film then races along as it bounces from one key point in Arthur’s life to another, we get young Arthur (Nigel Terry) pulling the sword from the stone, after misplacing his Brother Kay’s sword, falling in love with the captivating Guinevere (Cherie Lunghi) and surrounding himself with his loyal knights; Gawain (Liam Neeson ), Sir Uryens (Keith Buckley ), Sir Perceval (Paul Geoffrey ) and the greatest knight of them all Lancelot (Nicholas Clay). With the Knights of the Round Table formed, and Camelot is built on a shining hill, things all look good with the world, that is until love comes and mucks it all up. Guinevere has her disastrous affair with Lancelot and even Merlin gets distracted by a pretty face in the form of Morgana Le Fay (Helen Mirren ), Arthur’s vengeful half-sister.

 

Can’t say that I blame him too much.

Boorman remains fairly faithful to the source material while also borrowing elements from the tales of Tristan and Iseult and the combining of Morgause and Morgan Le Fay into one character – Morgause being Arthur’s half-sister while the sorceress Morgan Le Fay being Morgause’s sister – and Sir Bedivere is swapped out for Perceval and the noble Sir Galahad is completely absent, despite him being the only actual knight worthy enough to win the Holy Grail. Much of these changes can be attributed to the streamlining of such an epic tale, and for the most part, this works, and I doubt even the most anal Arthurian scholar could be too upset by this adaptation. The film is a testament to visual storytelling and to achieve this Boorman surrounded himself with a stellar team of designers and craftsmen that truly bring the legend to life. From dark castles to lush and magical forests the world of Excalibur is fantastic and a wonder to behold, watching this film one cannot help but become immersed in this tale of love, betrayal and violence.

 

Beauty and violence go hand-in-hand in this film.

Stray Observations:

• Uther having sex with Igrayne while still dressed in full plate armour has to be one of the most uncomfortable sex scenes in cinema history.
• Polo ponies were used to make things easier for riding one-handed while wielding a sword with the other, despite the fact that such a horse could hardly support a man in full armour.
• Boorman’s decision to go with full plate armour was intentionally anachronistic, such armour not used until the 15th century, and Terry English’s designs look simply amazing and much of the film’s success is owed to him and production designer Anthony Pratt.
• The "Charm of Making" is easily one of the most iconic spells to be depicted in cinema, "Anál nathrach, orth’ bháis's bethad, do chél dénmha" and was later used to good effect in Spielberg’s Ready Player One.
• Trevor Jones provides an amazingly robust score for Excalibur but the most iconic piece that people will remember is the use of Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana.
• One should never fail to mention Patrick Stewart’s awesome performance as Guinevere axe-wielding dad, Leondegrance.

 

Stewart is the ultimate badass.

This tale of the Holy Grail may lack African swallows and coconut baring knights but it does give us one of cinema's greatest portrayals of the wizard Merlin as Nicol Williamson simply nails the bizarre whimsy of this humorous as well as dangerous man of magic. Then as a bonus, Boorman has him up against the ravishingly brilliant Helen Mirren as the villainous Morgan Le Fay and the result is a dynamic duo for the ages. Now, while those two set the screen on fire the love triangle between Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot is a little less engaging, mainly because I can’t see what either Guinevere or Lancelot saw in Nigel Terry’s version of King Arthur. Terry isn’t a bad actor I just found his performance as Arthur to lack the humanity and gravitas such a character demands, and that he appeared badly dubbed for much of the performance certainly didn’t help.

 

“Here, Arthur, have a hash brownie.”

Cherie Lunghi definitely has better screen chemistry with Nicholas Clay’s Lancelot but in this shorter version – the movie was original three hours long – cut out some of their keys scenes that would have built the relationship up between the two of them a little better. Instead, we have Lancelot spouting off such romantic bon mots as “I will love you always. I will love you as my queen and as the wife of my best friend, and while you live I will love no other” which one must admit is a rather dick thing to say to the fiancé of your best friend.

 

Does Lancelot not understand the duties of a Best Man?

The film’s third act gets a little bogged down with the “Search for the Holy Grail” as our main characters step off-screen to allow the Grail Knights to run around while being utterly useless, who knew traipsing around Britain looking for a cup could be so boring, but at least this does lead the wonderful introduction of Arthur’s incestuous by-product Mordred (Robert Addie ), whose golden armour and creepy smile is enough to give any kid nightmares. As much as Nicol Williamson and Helen Mirren steal the show I have to point out that with so little screen time Robert Addie still manages to supply the film with a fantastic last act antagonist.

 

Think “Empire Strikes Back” but with a more messed up ending.

John Boorman’s Excalibur remains one of the best adaptations of the Arthurian myth and when you considered that his film came out four decades ago that is truly impressive.  It has production value that holds up against anything produced today and then you considered what a great cast of talented up-and-comers they assembled, such as Helen Mirren, Liam Neeson and Gabriel Byrne, you can’t help but admire the film. If Excalibur isn't the definitive version of King Arthur it’s easily the most entertaining and gorgeous looking one to date, and I offer Trial by Combat to anyone who disagrees with that.

 

My champion would, of course, be berserker Lancelot.

Batman Returns (1992) – Review

When 1989’s Batman made over $400 million dollars worldwide the idea of a follow-up film was a no-brainer but Tim Burton wasn’t all that interested in returning to the world of Gotham City.  Now, with big money on the line the execs over Warner Brothers were not about to take no for an answer so they offered Burton much greater creative control – including the firing of previous screenwriter Sam Hamm – and thus Batman Returns was born

 Tim Burton’s first Batman film had a definite German expressionistic feel to it, with Anton Furst’s architecture and Danny Elfman’s operatic score giving it that heavy gothic feel, but with the sequel Burton seemed to steer the film into a darker fairy tale world, more in keeping with Brothers Grimm than German Expressionism, with maybe a dash of art deco and neo-classic fascism for good measure. Yet it wasn’t just Gotham City that was going to see an upgrade for this sequel as Tim Burton brought not just one classic villain to the party but three, because overcrowding your film with bad guys never goes wrong.  First among these is the Penguin (Danny DeVito ), who is easily Tim Burton’s greatest departure from the source material, which isn't surprising once you learn that Burton has stated on multiple occasions that he never understood the tuxedo-wearing Penguin from the comics, so for this version, he’s no longer a skilled thief with a bird motif and an arsenal of killer umbrellas, now we learn that of a tragic backstory.  Oswald Cobblepot's parents were aghast at their baby's deformity – their baby having flippers instead of hands and its tendency to eat the family cat – and so they tossed him into the sewers where he was apparently raised by a group of penguins from the abandoned Gotham City Zoo.

 

“Hey guys, do any of you have opposable thumbs?”

The idea of a baby being raised by penguins is, of course, ridiculous – makes Tarzan being raised by apes seem downright sensible by comparison – but this did set the tone for what was to follow.  This was not an adaptation of the comic book but rather a dark fantasy tale that owed more to the works of the Brothers Grimm rather than it did to Bob Kane. But what did Tim Burton’s monstrous version of the Penguin want out of life? A deformed “Penguin Man of the Sewers” was not going to settle for robbing art galleries and jewelry stores, which would be too blasé for this monstrous creation, he wants to kill children.  Yeah, that is pretty villainous, and it’s later revealed that his plan was to abduct and kill all of Gotham's firstborn sons as revenge for what his parents did to him, something even his compatriots in the Red Triangle Gang find a bit questionable.

 

Aren’t evil circus performers more of a Joker thing?

Batman (Michael Keaton) discovers that Oswald Cobblepot spent much of his life as part of the Freak Show at the Red Triangle Circus, an establishment that was closed down after several children went missing, which leads to this question, “Why would this ex-circus troupe work with the man who cost them their livelihoods?” We often wonder how supervillains acquire henchman, it’s not like there can be much in the way of fringe benefits living in the sewer, and in this film, the Red Triangle Gang come across more as terrorists than crooks, willing to burn Gotham City down for no monetary reason and seem to go along with the Penguin’s evil plan to murder children because “Why not?”

 

It certainly wasn’t to sell McDonald’s Happy Meals.

The kidnap and murder of dozens of children needs a lot of planning and research so the Penguin turns to the film’s second villain, that of millionaire industrialist Max Shreck (Christopher Walken ), for help in carrying out this evil scheme. Shreck himself needs the Penguin’s help in causing enough civil unrest to force a recall so that the current Mayor (Michael Murphy ), who opposes Shreck’s plans to build an unneeded power plant, can be replaced with someone more biddable.
One can’t help but compare Walken’s portrayal of Max Shreck to his earlier Bond villain Max Zorin in A View to a Kill as they are both over-the-top cartoony madmen, and the only reason either of these characters works is that Christopher Walken is just so much fun to watch in these types of roles.

 

“Smithers, release the hounds.”

Now, the character of Max Shreck isn’t around solely to give political assistance to the Penguin – he tries to form a grassroots campaign to get the Penguin elected as Mayor of Gotham – he is also responsible for the creation of the film’s third villain, Catwoman. As with the Penguin, the comic book origins of Catwoman are ignored in favour of another more tragic backstory – she’s neither a cat-burglar nor an ex-prostitute in this movie – in this iteration Selina Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer) is a mousy unassuming woman working as a personal secretary to the villainous Max Shreck, a man who verbally and physically abuses her. When she discovers that Shreck’s supposed power plant is actually a giant battery designed to steal Gotham’s power she is pushed out of a window to her supposed death. Needless to say, she survives this – supernatural intervention of cats or something – and she then proceeds to remake herself as a one-woman war on Max Shreck.

 

You could say she starts a “Meow Too Movement” against her employer.

Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance as the fractured Selina Kyle is easily the best element of Batman Returns and her scenes with Keaton are the film’s highlights as the two have undeniable chemistry together. The true-crime here is that this particular incarnation of Catwoman deserved her own movie – let’s not even think of the abomination with Halle Berry – and not forced to share screen time with two other villains. Now, I’m not saying Batman Returns is a bad movie, the film is too gorgeous to be called that, but it’s definitely not a very good Batman movie, and if it's guilty of anything it could be for starting the trend of crowding a comic book movie with multiple villains.

 

Wayne Manor also gets a bit of a facelift.

Stray Observations:

• What’s with this film’s Biblical motifs? First, you have baby Cobblepot being given the Moses treatment as he is sent down the river in a basket, and then later we have grown up Cobblepot planning to murder the firstborn of Gotham City. This film is nine plagues shy of being a remake of The Ten Commandments.
• The roof of Wayne Manor is equipped with multiple Bat-Signal reflecting devices each of which would tip-off any guests or passersby that Bruce Wayne is most likely Batman.
• There is definitely not enough material in a raincoat to make a full-body latex catsuit. Trust me, I’ve tried.
• Batman has an even bigger murder-boner than he did last time out, at one point he gleefully burns one of the Red Triangle Gang alive, with the Batmobile's thrusters, while stuffing a bomb down the pants of another.
• Vicki Vale’s absence is treated with about as much respect as a past Bond girl.
• How does one go about getting the blueprints to the Batmobile? I want to see that movie.
• Catwoman is surprised that the plan to frame Batman involved killing the Ice Princess, but her being a live witness would end Penguin’s run for mayor rather quickly.

 

Did this villainous team-up make sense to anyone?

Tim Burton’s Batman Returns is a very entertaining superhero movie and the performances within were all extraordinary, Michelle Pfeiffer’s depiction of Catwoman being especially remarkable, and the art direction provided by Bo Welch gave us another wonderful version of Gotham City, and all this went towards making a Batman movie that if not true to characters of the comic books was undeniably true to Tim Burton’s vision of a dark gothic fairy tale. If the 1989 Batman movie was a Tim Burton film than Batman Returns was a Tim Burton film by a magnitude of ten.
Should the film have had fewer villains, allowing more time to Catwoman and Batman action, sure why not, but you have to give Burton credit for creating a fascinating world for his characters to inhabit. Comic book purists may have issues with this film, me being one of them, but even I have to admit the film we got was an unforgettable experience.

 

“I’m Batman!”

Batman (1989) – Review

If director Tim Burton can be credited for anything it would be in proving to Hollywood that big-budget superhero movies could, once again, be a successful venture, especially after Superman IV: The Quest for Peace practically drove the superhero movie into hibernation, but with the resurgent popularity of Batman (thanks to the contemporary work of comic book writer Frank Miller in the late 80s), it was a perfect time to bring the Caped Crusader back to the big screen.

 The opening scene of Tim Burton’s Batman was a decidedly interesting opening gambit as we see what looks to be the origin story of Batman — husband, wife and kid leave a Gotham City theatre only to be set upon by a mugger — but then we get the twist reveal of Batman (Michael Keaton ) appearing and beating the living snot out of said mugger. With this, we are spared the hour-long type origin story that we got with Richard Donner’s Superman: The Movie and instead we leap into the dark world of Gotham City’s greatest avenger, but in doing so the film then turns our focus on the origin story of The Joker (Jack Nicholson ), a character who Tim Burton clearly found to be more interesting than a guy dressed up as a bat. The casting of Jack Nicholson as the Joker was not only a brilliant choice to play the famed comic book villain, giving his own genius takes on the Clown Prince of Crime, but it also assuaged some of the fears and backlash that occurred when comic actor Michael Keaton was given the title role of Batman.

Note: Jack Nicholson not only got a 10 million dollar paycheck for playing the Joker but also a backend deal that netted him an extra $100 million.

One could argue that this is a Joker movie, as Batman himself is relegated to the backseat for much of the film’s run-time. In this film, we learn that Jack Napier is a narcissistic psychopath whose affair with his boss’s girlfriend (Jerry Hall ) results in him getting set up by said boss Carl Grissom (Jack Palance), which in turn leads to him being dropped into a vat of chemicals by Batman and becoming the disfigured villain known as The Joker. On the other hand, we know very little about Bruce Wayne other than that he’s a bit awkward around women and has a penchant for wearing a rubber costume and fighting crime. What little characterization we do get of Bruce Wayne is due to the quirky and subtle acting of Michael Keaton, who proved that he is much more than a Mr. Mom or Betelgeuse. Unfortunately, this film’s portrayal of Batman is decidedly less interesting and also a rather great departure from the source material. In that opening scene, we see Batman calmly walking into gunfire, confident that his Batsuit’s armour will keep him safe, and not the agile street fighter from the comics.

 

“Tell your friends about me, I’m Bulletproof!”

Tim Burton has stated that casting a “non-superhero type” actor like Michael Keaton was to give some justification for why someone would dress up like a bat; that a person built like Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t need the intimidation factor of a spooky bat costume.  Unfortunately, what we ended up with was a guy who could barely move under all that rubber and latex. This particular Batman couldn’t even turn his head — the cowl and neckpiece being all one stiff rubber piece, forcing Keaton to turn his whole torso if he wanted to look right or left — which made him a less than plausible Dark Knight.

 

Batman’s greatest nemesis being peripheral vision.

Then we have Batman’s rather lethal action when it comes to dispatching the criminal underclass. In that first scene, he took out the two muggers in a fairly Batman-like way — after letting himself get shot twice, of course — but after that, he is a lot less forgiving of his adversaries. He remote drives the Batmobile into the Axis chemical plant so as to plant bombs and blow the place sky high, killing the half dozen Joker goons inside.  That they were shooting at his ride — I guess — makes this justifiable homicide, but the Axis plant was a rather big building and we have no idea how many other employees would also have perished in that explosion, people who may have been forced to make the Joker’s chemical poisons. Then we have his Batwing attack on the Joker’s parade during the film’s final act, where the Batwing’s machine-gun fire and rockets brutally takes out another half-dozen or more of Joker’s henchmen. This is clearly a Batman who doesn’t seem to worry too much about collateral damage, not helped by the fact that the Batwing’s targeting system is for shit.

 

How could the Joker have survived this?

There is a lot to love about Tim Burton’s Batman, from its haunting Danny Elfman score to the timeless gothic architecture of Gotham City designed by the late great Anton Furst, and I did quite enjoy this film’s version of Vicki Vale (Kim Basinger), as well as the original creation of dogged reporter Alexander Knox (Robert Wuhl) who wants to know what Batman is taking down “After taxes,” and then there is Bob the Goon (Tracey Walter ) who adds some comic spice to the film. Finally, we get to Michael Gough who is easily one of the best Alfreds ever put to screen — we will pretend his death in Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin didn't happen — but storywise, things tended to get a little loosey-goosey whenever Burton focused on what he thought “looked cool” rather than on what best served the story.

Stray Observations:

• Bruce Wayne’s idea of a first date is dinner at home, where he then proceeds to get the girl drunk and take her to bed. Sweet guy.
• After getting her idea for a second date rebuffed, Vicki Vale goes into full-on stalker mode. At this point, there is no connection between Batman and Bruce Wayne, so her sudden obsession with him is downright creepy.
• At seeing Jack Napier alive, as his men gun down Gotham’s mob bosses, Bruce Wayne becomes almost catatonic to the point of not even noticing a bullet tearing through his coat. Not the catlike reflexes one expects of a superhero.
• Batman gives Vicki Vale the secret to Joker’s killer chemical combination, but then she waits for her newspaper to publish her story instead of getting the information out immediately via television or radio. How’s that for journalistic integrity?
• Vicki Vale opens the package left by the Joker without calling the bomb squad; luckily for her, it was just some dead flowers, as it could easily have been Smilex gas.
• Alfred betrays Bruce’s trust by bringing Vicki into the Bat Cave, a woman that Bruce has had a total of one date with.

 

Alfred, you are so fired.

Screenwriter Sam Hamm has emphatically stated that this particular movie moment was not in any draft he’d worked on, nor was the surprising revelation that Joker had killed Bruce Wayne’s parents. In fact, Sam Hamm spent much of his time trying to convince Burton to not break with Batman canon with this piece of sloppy storytelling. Sadly, the Writers Guild of America went on strike and Sam Hamm was prevented from joining the production team over in England which allowed screenwriter Warren Skaaren to bring some of the more controversial changes to the script. Burton has since stated that much “unravelling” of the story occurred while they were shooting in England and that these changes were either due to studio interference or budgetary concerns, but I personally think it has more to do with Burton being a brilliant art director and not necessarily a great storyteller.

 

“Have you ever danced with the Devil by the pale moonlight?”

The reveal that Jack Napier was the man who killed Thomas and Martha Wayne puts into question Batman’s title of “World’s Greatest Detective” because even though he was able to figure out that Jack Napier was the man who killed his parents (simply by going over some police files and old newspaper clippings), it has us wondering why he hadn’t discovered this long ago? It’s not like Napier was some shadowy villain; he was Boss Grissom’s number one guy. The killer of Bruce Wayne’s parents always worked better in the abstract rather than the actual person — even though the comics eventually gave us Joe Chill as the killer — and that Batman was avenging all of the innocent victims of Gotham and not just that of his own parents. Having the Joker turn out to be the man responsible for the creation of Batman leads to the interesting exchange of, “I made you, you made me first,” but then things get a bit odd when the Joker replies, “Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say, ‘I made you,’ you gotta say,  ‘You made me.’ I mean, how childish can you get?” Is it just me or do these exchanges imply that the Joker knows which parents Batman was talking about? Which, in turn, means that the Joker has somehow figured out who Batman is. This is an example of what happens when you have multiple writers tossing random stuff into the mix without figuring out if it makes any sense.

 

"Who do you trust?" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust?”

The film’s last act is another example of the dangers of multiple writers working without a strong story editor on board. The Joker announces on television that he is going to be giving away $20 million in cash at midnight, stating, “Don’t worry about me, I’ve got enough,” but would his gang be fine with him giving away all that money? It’s one thing to work for a psychotic murderer in clown make-up, but it’s another to just toss away all that loot to a bunch of Gotham randos. In the comics, the sanity of Joker’s minions is often called into question — their life expectancy being rather short — but in Sam Hamm’s original draft, there was a very good explanation for this big money giveaway.

 

If you can’t trust a face like that, who can you trust?

Earlier in the film, when the Joker had lured Vicki Vale to the Gotham Museum of Art, she asks him, “What do you want?” And his response was, “My face on the one-dollar bill,” which seems, at first, to just be a throwaway line by a crazy person, but later during the big balloon parade sequence, the money he was giving away would later be revealed as Joker money, his face now on the one-dollar bill. That’s called “Set-up and Payoff,” but due to all the monkeying around with the script, all we got was the set-up and the payoff was left in the dustbin. Of course, that is far from the only problem with that scene — it’s a niggling annoyance compared to the other glaring hole in this script — and that would be, “Where are the fucking police?” A confessed mass murderer broadcasts the time and location as to when and where he will be and yet, for some reason, none of the Gotham City Police Department bothers to show up.

 

Were they waiting for the Bat-Signal?

Once again, this was addressed in an earlier draft of Sam Hamm’s — the Joker having drugged GCPD’s coffee supply — but without that explanation, we are left confused as to why Commissioner Gordon (Pat Hingle ) and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Billy Dee Williams ) still have jobs. It’s clear that Tim Burton was focused on making a gothic fairy tale version of Batman, a Beauty and the Beast meets Fritz Lang if you will, and that having a solid story structure was not a primary concern.
Now, as much as I’ve been criticizing Burton’s ability to tell a good Batman story, I must admit he made one hell of an entertaining Batman movie. His plotting might not hold a candle to the likes of comic book legends Denny O’Neil or Frank Miller, but his visual flair cannot be disputed; a flair that was wonderfully aided by concept artist Anton Furst, whose gothic architectural designs gave us one of the best-looking Gotham Cities to date, all brought to life through amazing sets and matte paintings as well as Bob Ringwood’s costuming, which brought one of DC’s legendary heroes brilliantly to life.

 

A great suit as long as Batman never has to look to his left or right.

If it wasn’t for the success of Tim Burton’s Batman, we may never have gotten the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy — though Joel Schumacher’s Batman films did their best to delay this — and Danny Elfman’s operatic score would set the benchmark for comic book movies for years to come. So, no matter how flawed Burton’s vision of Batman may seem to comic fans (many who wonder if Tim Burton had ever read a Batman comic book), there is no denying the fact that he pulled off an incredible feat by turning what many people thought to be a simple “campy” figure of a 60s television show, into a blockbuster event. 1989’s Batman was a gorgeous watershed event and well worth its place in cinema history.

Note: Prince provided several songs for this film and though good, they are the one element that really dates the film, and their inclusion seemed more about the studio’s desire for a concept album rather than if they fit tonally with the Danny Elfman score.

Samurai Jack’s Trilogy of Terror

Back in 2001, the Cartoon Network gave birth to one of the greatest heroes of our time, that of the stoic champion Samurai Jack. Created by Genndy Tartakovsky, this animated series told the adventures of a nameless Samurai warrior who was sent forward in time to a dystopian future, one ruled by the tyrannical shape-shifting demon named Aku.

 

Samurai Jack was inspired by Tartakovsky's enjoyment of the Kung Fu televised drama starring David Carradine — the one Bruce Lee proposed but was then given to a white guy — but this animated series wasn’t at all limited to the martial arts drama as it bounced around genres from steampunk to high fantasy. Today, we will be looking at three particular episodes that dove headfirst into the realm of horror.

 

Episode XV

In this episode, we get three short stories, the first one dealing with Jack journeying to the land rumoured to have a giant wish-giving worm — that he hopes will be able to send him back to the past — and the third story has Jack trying to rescue a wish-giving fairy from the captivity of a greedy gargoyle, but it’s the middle tale that is a true journey into horror. While trying to cook dinner over a campfire, Jack is interrupted by a family of four who claim to be very hungry, and Jack being the decent sort that he is, invites them to share his fire. Unfortunately, this little group is more interested in eating his magic sword than any of the victuals he has to offer. When the battle results in the “mother” having her face sliced off, it’s revealed that this “family” were actually a group of robots, mechanical creatures with an unstoppable need to eat metal.

 

Tell me that's not just horrifying.

The woman’s exposed face causes her family to turn on her with a cannibalistic fury and soon the group is fighting amongst themselves, forgetting about good ole Jack and his sword while they proceed to eat each other. It was the use of robots as antagonists that allowed Genndy Tartakovsky to revel in the violence of those classic Golden Harvest Kung Fu movies, with black oil replacing blood — parents can’t complain about a robot being beheaded — but this particular episode ratcheted things up to eleven with its nightmare fuel of robot gore.

 

Episode XXX

The current state of horror in media today has what one could call an over-abundance of zombie content, with the undead crowding both big and small screens, but back in 2002, Genndy Tartakovsky took his animated series into such fertile ground (you know, for the kids). In this episode, the machinations of the demon Aku sends Jack down a dark path, one that leads our time-lost Samurai into a fog-shrouded graveyard, and before you can say George Romero, Aku uses his dark magic to put Jack up to his armpits in the army of the dead.

 

When there is no room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.

The interesting thing here is that these are literal undead creatures, not robot versions as we’d come to expect with this show, so the horror level is fairly high here as Jack finds himself quickly outnumbered by sword-wielding corpses. Then, as if being surrounded by the dead wasn’t enough of a threat, Jack has to face what appears to be an undead witch who goes after Jack like she’d just escaped from a Sam Raimi movie.

 

“I’ll swallow your soul!”

This is a truly thrilling episode and Genndy Tartakovsky’s only concession to it being a kid’s television show is that when the undead soldiers die, they explode in a cloud of dust instead of in heaps of gore. The art direction for this episode is especially gorgeous and the horrific denizens clearly owe a lot to the works of Hellboy creator Mike Mignola — why Genndy Tartakovsky was never given the reigns to a Hellboy cartoon is beyond me — and it all goes towards making this episode an amazing entry in the horror genre.

 

Episode XXXV

The very nature of Samurai Jack’s lore is, of course, steeped in Japanese history and culture, so it should be of no surprise that one of the best episodes dealt with Japanese folklore itself and its tendency towards beautifully disturbing ghost stories — or Yūrei as they call them. In this episode, we find Jack being led into one of the most terror-filled adventures of his career, a story that seems ripped right from those classic Japanese tales of terror. Samurai Jack follows a little girl to return a doll that she lost in the woods, but when she leads him into a haunted house, one filled with memories of the previous inhabitants, things take a rather dark turn.

 

Visions of terror.

Jack begins to explore the house, surprised by its long-abandoned appearance as it is not the home one would expect a little girl to be currently living within, but upon finding the girl, he soon discovers that the doors and windows to the house have mysteriously vanished and that the two of them are now trapped inside this terror-filled abode. When Jack encounters the girl’s family, who seem completely unaware that their home is a cobwebbed shambles, it becomes clear to our hero that a true mystery is afoot, but facing off against a powerful demon was the last thing Jack had expected.

 

Soul removal at bargain-basement prices.

In what first appeared to be a Japanese “Cabin in the Woods” type scenario, the episode quickly shifts into a surreal battle between our hero and the soul-swallowing demon who desires to add Jack’s soul to his collection of prey, souls that he has trapped in a bizarre limbo-like dimension. Needless to say, keeping Samurai Jack is a lot harder than catching him, and soon our hero is battling this evil creature and freeing the little girl’s family.

 

Even without a body, Jack kicks ass.

Genndy Tartakovsky’s Samurai Jack is easily one of the more beautiful and creatively inspired animated series ever brought to television, with nods to many artists and genres coming from multiple eras and styles, but these three journeys into terror are particular favourites of mine. So, if you want to give your young ones an introductory taste of horror, you could do a lot worse than exposing them to the dark worlds of Samurai Jack.

 

Terror awaits those who enter these dark waters.

Haunter (2013) – Review

The best ghost stories have a central mystery at their heart, with the protagonist trying to figure who the ghost is and what it wants, but with 2013’s Haunter director Vincenzo Natali gives us more unique point-of-view as this teenage protagonist believes she is stuck in some kind of a time loop, but something much darker is going on.

 Teenage Lisa Johnson (Abigail Breslin ) finds herself perpetually stuck on the eve of her sixteenth birthday, her family completely oblivious to the fact that they are living the same day over and over again. She is awoken each morning with the same broadcast over a walkie-talkie by her little brother Robbie (Peter DaCunha ), who wants her to come join him and his imaginary friend Edgar on their hunt for pirate treasure. Her mother  (Michelle Nolden ) will cook the same mac & cheese dinner every day while also constantly wondering why some items are missing from the laundry. Her father (Peter Outerbridge ) spends most of his time in the garage trying to get the car to work so that the family can go out for Lisa’s birthday the following day, but that day never comes. Lisa repeatedly tries to explain to her parents that they’ve been living the same day again and again but this is, of course, chalked up to teen angst and she is ignored, and the situation is made worse by the fact that the family home is shrouded in an unending fog, making the claustrophobia of the situation even more appalling.

 

On the plus side, none of Stephen King’s monsters are lurking in this particular mist.

What at first seems like a typical Groundhog Day type time loop is quickly turned on its head when we get the reveal that Lisa and her family are dead. This is not a spoiler, don't worry on that point, as this revelation comes out pretty early on in the story, writer Brian King isn’t setting up things for a twist ending vis-à-vis The Sixth Sense or The Others as this movie is more about Lisa trying to solve the mystery of their deaths than it is of them being unknowing ghosts. Lisa is plagued by strange voices and is soon led to discover hidden rooms and secret journals that divulge the fact that their home once belonged to a serial killer, one who preyed on teenage girls for decades. Unfortunately, this investigation upsets said serial killer and soon the Pale Man (Stephen McHattie) makes his presence known.

 

The Pale Man Always Rings Twice

This mysterious intruder makes it clear that “Whenever you hear strange noises in this house, or voices calling out to you, ignore them, pretend they don’t exist. If you try to contact the living, or anyone else, you and your family will suffer in ways you cannot fathom.” As Lisa and her family are already dead the idea that he can make things worse for them is rather chilling, and it’s clear that he has great power over the inhabitants of his house, living or dead. Needless to say, frightened or not, Lisa will get the bottom of this mystery and it’s while trying to figure out what’s the Pale Man’s whole deal is she has an encounter with Olivia (Eleanor Zichy) another sixteen-year-old girl and the current “living” resident of the house. While Lisa is trapped in ghostly limbo of 1984 she is somehow able to contact Olivia who lives with her own family in 2013 and its here that Lisa discovers that the Pale Man is still a threat to the living.

 

He also loves mind games at dinner.

Stray Thoughts:
• If you are in a horror movie and your child has an invisible friend, GET OUT!
• That the Pale Man turns fathers into murderous assholes is maybe a little too close to the Jack Torrance character in Stephen King’s The Shining.
• Who buys the house of a notorious serial killer? Not only was this the home of a serial killer but the previous tenants all died as well.  That does not give one a “Home Sweet Home” impression.
• Once again Ouija boards are notoriously unhelpful
• It’d be interesting to see a version of this movie from Olivia’s perspective.
• I'm not sure how the hidden murder room was never discovered, what with it having a very noticeable red door leading to it. The door couldn’t have been hidden behind a dryer forever.  Are we supposed to believe the people who eventually drywalled over it never wondered where it led to?

 

“This probably leads to another dimension, best to leave it alone.”

The basic premise to Haunter is an intriguing one and does keep the viewing guessing throughout its ninety-minute runtime, but what really makes this film tick is the fantastic cast that Vincenzo Natali managed to assemble here, and none stand out more than the wonderful Abigail Breslin. It’s her terror and tenacity to save her family that keeps one invested in the film, that she and her family can’t simply just “Get Out” adds a nice wrinkle to the horror genre. This isn’t a simple serial-killer murder mystery, with a soul collecting ghost how could it be, but Haunter also works as a nice empowering film for young girls, which is rather nice. If you are tired of ghost stories with relentless jump scares than do yourself a favour and track down this little gem.

 

And don’t forget to bring your flashlight to bed.

Hercules in the Haunted World (1961) – Review

When it comes to mythological heroes none hold a candle to the great demi-god Heracles, or at least when put in the context of big-screen appearances as he’s appeared in dozens of films ranging from low the budget Italian Sword & Sandal films to the big Hollywood films like Disney’s animated Hercules and the 2014 Hercules starring Duane “The Rock” Johnson. Today we will be looking at an example of the former, and one of my personal favourite adventures featuring this proto-superhero, Mario Bava’s Hercules in the Haunted World.

When it comes to adapting Greek mythology to the big screen filmmakers tend to play fast and loose with the source material but as over the centuries these myths have been told and retold in a variety of ways this is an instance where I can be a little forgiving – though I do still want to see a Heracles movie where he is driven crazy by Hera and murders his family – and in the case of Hercules in the Haunted World or as it’s more properly known "Hercules at the center of the Earth" we have the brilliant Mario Bava at the helm, a man who is a master of painting with light and colour. What is even more impressive, after a viewing of this movie, is that this production mostly shot with the use of just four columns and one wall with a door, everything else was achieved by models, optical effects and forced perspective and all done in-camera. Bava’s skills as a director are more than matched by his brilliance as a cameraman and cinematographer.

 

When you sit down to a Mario Bava film you are in for a visual feast.

This particular adventure finds Hercules (Reg Park) heading home to marry his betrothed, the lovely Princess Deianira (Leonora Ruffo ), who also happens to be heir to the throne, unfortunately, her father has recently died but instead of assuming the mantle of Queen the throne has been usurped by her uncle Lico (Christopher Lee ). Lico sadly informs Hercules that this is due to Deianira having fallen sick, seemingly lost in a mindless haze where she can’t even recognize her beloved Hercules and that he has taken the throne and hidden her illness from the people so as not to cause a panic. Of course, this is complete bullshit, as he has allied himself with the forces of darkness to become an immortal ruler, and because Lico is being played by Christopher Lee this alone should have tipped off Hercules that something shady was going on.

Trivia Note: Mister Universe winner Reg Park though 6’ 1” tall still had to stand on a box so that he could properly face off against the 6' 5" Christopher Lee.

Any proper hero has to have a good sidekick and in the case of Hercules in the Haunted World everyone’s favourite demi-god is paired up with Theseus (George Ardisson ), a Greek hero in his own right and mythical founder of Athens, but who in this adventure serves more as Hercules’ horn-dog wingman than he does as a proper adventuring partner. We are first introduced to him as he is making out with the beautiful Jocasta (Ely Drago ), who herself was engaged to marry this film’s comic relief Telemachus (Franco Giacobini ), who doesn’t seem to mind that he is being cuckolded by Theseus, in fact, they become fast friends and he eagerly joins Hercules and Theseus on their adventure into the underworld for virtually no reason.

Mythological Side Note: Telemachus was the son of Odysseus and Penelope, and a central character in Homer's Odyssey, and certainly not the comedic third banana as portrayed in this film.

Lico suggests that Hercules should consult oracle Medea (Gaia Germani) to find a way to free Deianira from this crippling malady and it is from this oracle that Hercules learns that the only way to free his beloved’s mind is with the “Stone of Forgetfulness” which, unfortunately, is located deep within the Underworld, but worse is the fact that to get this information he had to offer up his immortality to Zeus as payment. Sadly, the screenwriters forgot this little exchange for at no point in the film does Hercules’ loss of immortality affect him one iota.

Mythological Side Note: Medea was a key player in the adventures Jason and the Argonauts and is known in most stories as a sorceress, often depicted as a priestess of the goddess Hecate, but there is no mention of her having a sideline as an oracle.

However, to gain access to the underworld he will have to retrieve the mysterious golden apple from the Land of the Hesperides. Thus begins the film’s true adventure as our trio of “heroes” fight a psychotic brute who owns the magical ship they’ll need to reach Hesperides, climb the unclimbable tree to acquire the golden apple, then battle Procrustes, a bloodthirsty stone demon who had enslaved the women of the island on behalf of the god Pluto, cross a massive moat of bubbling lava to retrieve the Stone of Forgetfulness, than sail back through stormy seas – caused by a pissed off Pluto because Theseus had fallen madly in love with Persephone and smuggled her out aboard their boat – and then finally facing off against the now revealed villainy of Lico and his army of the dead.

 

The creepy risen dead are truly one of the film’s highlights.

As adventure films go Hercules in the Haunted World is a very enjoyable and fun romp, with Reg Park giving us a very affable and charismatic version of the legendary Hercules, and when it comes to onscreen villainy you can’t find a greater example than that of the amazing Christopher Lee, who even when badly dubbed is still terrifying. The plot of the movie itself is the film’s only true failing as it’s clear that Mario Bava and the screenwriters were re-writing drafts while the film was being shot, this most noticeably in such cases as our heroes needing the golden apple to reach the underworld safely but the Land of the Hesperides looked to be very much within the underworld.

 

This certainly looks like the underworld to me.

Theseus and Telemachus wander in and out of scenes as if looking for missing script pages and some of the “Labours of Hercules” depicted her make little to no sense. For example, the Stone of Forgetfulness is located on an island surrounded by molten lava, so Hercules tosses a line from the shore to the island so that he can go hand-over-hand to reach his goal, but when only halfway across he declares this tactic safe and beckons Theseus to join him. What the fuck for? It’s a bloody island so there is no need for Theseus to come along as once Hercules gains the stone he has to return via this selfsame rope bridge, but instead of doing the sensible thing and telling Hercules to “Get fucked” he follows along and ends up falling into the bubbling lava below.

 

“No thanks, Hercules, I'll wait here until you get back.”

This was, of course, just to facilitate Theseus becoming separated from Hercules so that he could meet up with Persephone – who in the Italian version is now the favourite daughter of Pluto and not his wife – and yet this bizarre relationship between Theseus and Persephone also goes literally nowhere and is wrapped up by her making Theseus forget she ever existed.  As they fell in love over a period of about thirty seconds maybe that’s not all that bad, but then the movie then has the balls to end with Theseus once again stealing Telemachus’ fiancé. What a complete dick!

 

"Herc, you got yours, where's mine?"

Now, intricate plot structure and scintillating characterizations are not something one should expect from a typical Sword & Sandal flick, what fans want is some cool Herculean action, and in the case of Hercules in the Haunted World, we do get our fair share of that, though it does tend to revolve around Hercules throwing a rock.
• Can’t successfully climb the tree to retrieve the golden apple? Just throw a large rock at it instead.
• Need a way into the Underworld? Why not throw a rock monster threw the cavern wall that will then reveal a passageway into Hades itself?
• The island holding the Stone of Forgetfulness is surrounded by a lava field, so why not throw a large rock to carry a cable across?
• The evil Lico is about to drain the blood of your betrothed, why not throw a large rock at him?
• The army of the dead are swarming out of the darkness, why not throw a lot of large rocks at them?

 

There’s no problem that can’t be solved with a big enough rock.

Of course, the real reason to watch Hercules in the Haunted World is for the gorgeous cinematography provided by Mario Bava and in that case this film does not disappoint, as we are basically assaulted from frame one with most eye-catching visuals, threadbare sets that are made to look amazing, and the stunning use of colour is incomparable by any standard. This may not be a perfect depiction of the legendary hero Hercules – him actually being more likable here than in the Greek myths – but as a beautiful fantasy “epic” you could do a lot worse than Hercules at the center of the Earth.