Yogi Bear (2010) – Review

Prepare yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, for a cinematic catastrophe that somehow managed to turn a beloved childhood cartoon into an abomination of epic proportions. This Yogi Bear movie takes everything that was endearing about the original series and mangles it into an unrecognizable mess that leaves you questioning your life choices.

The plot, if it can even be called that, revolves around Yogi Bear (Dan Aykroyd) and sidekick Boo Boo (Justin Timberlake) trying to save Jellystone Park from the corrupt machinations of Mayor Raoul Brown (Andy Daly), who has bankrupted the city and now plans to raise money for its new budget, as well as his upcoming gubernatorial campaign, by shutting down Jellystone and opening the land to logging. However, the storyline is so paper-thin and formulaic that it becomes painfully predictable within the first few minutes as to what will happen. So this conflict kicks off the story, dealing with Ranger Smith (Tom Cavanaugh) trying to raise $30,000 dollars in one weeks time – which is what the park needs to cover its operating costs – or the Mayor will be able to rezone the park and sell it to a logging company.  But that’s not enough, we also have documentary filmmaker Rachel Johnson (Anna Faris), the film’s ostensible love interest, who has come to Jellystone to make a documentary on Yogi Bear because, apparently, talking bears are rare.

 

She’d have been better off looking for the Blair Witch.

Needless to say, things go awry and hijinks ensue. While Ranger Smith and Rachel try and hold a centennial festival in an attempt to sell season passes the Mayor promises Ranger Smith’s assistant, Ranger Jones (T.J. Miller), that he will be given the position of head ranger if he sabotages their efforts to raise the funds. To achieve this, Ranger Jones manipulates the ego-eccentric and gullible Yogi into performing an elaborate water-skiing performance that goes wrong and results in the fireworks being launched into the crowd, who then flee in panic. This leads to the second act of our drama with Jellystone Park being shut down and Ranger Smith forced to take a job at a tiny city park. A ray of light appears when they learn that Boo-Boo’s pet turtle is a rare and endangered species known as a “frog-mouthed” turtle which means, according to law, that the park cannot be destroyed if the turtle is living there, the film will then attempt answer such questions as “Can Ranger Smith and Rachel find true love? Could Yogi and friends use this legal loophole to save the park? Or will the Mayor and his cronies thwart our hero’s valiant efforts?”

 

And could anyone watching this movie care less?

Stray Observations:

• Jellystone is a National Park and thus the Mayor would have no jurisdiction power over it whatsoever, which completely invalidates the entire central conflict of the movie.
• Yogi advises Ranger Smith to urinate on Rachel to mark her as his territory, which while not actually mating behaviour it could possibly highlights a particular kink of Yogi Bear.
• Yosemite National Park’s revenue is about three million dollars a year, so maybe Ranger Smith should be fired if Jellystone can’t even break even.
• Yogi offers to be a headliner to help bring in more tourists but Ranger Smith turns him down, even after Yogi performs Sir-Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” which is all kinds of wrong.  Even if it didn’t bring in tourists they could earn money by entering Yogi into America’s Got Talent.
• Yogi’s impromptu water-skiing performance did ruin the festival, setting off the fireworks into the crowd, but why was Ranger Smith having a daylight fireworks display in the first place? Isn’t this type of event typically held at night?
• If an endangered species like the “frog-mouthed” turtle means the park cannot be destroyed why isn’t the park safe by having talking bears like Yogi and Boo Boo?

 

What’s really endangered is here the very concept of comedy.

The attempts at humour are embarrassingly juvenile, relying heavily on slapstick gags and cheap visual effects and even the film’s target demographic—children—might find themselves struggling to muster up more than a courtesy chuckle. The film was directed by Eric Brevig, whose career mostly consists of work as a visual effects artist with his only other screen credit as a director being the Brendan Fraser remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth, but it’s hard to blame this travesty on a novice director when pretty much every element of this film is a misfire. The storyline is an uninspired rehash of countless “save-the-whatever” plots we’ve seen before, lacking any originality or engaging twists. The attempts at humour is often forced, relying heavily on slapstick comedy and tired jokes that fall flat, especially at a time when animated movies were beginning to raise the bar in terms of both humour and emotional depth. Of course, one of the most glaring issues with Yogi Bear is its thinly veiled attempt to cash in on nostalgia while simultaneously offering little substance for both fans of the original cartoon and newcomers alike.

 

I declare “Open Season” on these abominations.

As for the cast, this cinematic dumpster fire brings together a group of actors who may as well be holding “Will act for Food” signs as none of them seem to be giving a shit with their performances. From the moment the CGI Yogi starts talking you’ll wish he’d just go back to stealing picnic baskets in silence. Dan Aykroyd’s voice-acting is easily the most painful element in this train wreck of a movie, his attempts at recreating Yogi’s iconic voice were as convincing as a toddler pretending to be a lawyer. Boo Boo, voiced by Justin Timberlake, sounds like he’s trapped in a recording booth against his will, forced to utter lines that would make even the most devoted fan cringe, and then there is poor Anna Faris who is given so little to work with in terms of character development and she comes across as a more of a plot device rather than a fully fleshed-out character.

Note: In all fairness to this movie, the 2017  Woody Woodpecker wins the title of worst live-action adaptation of a cartoon. This Yogi Bear movie is terrible but the Woody attempt is actively painful to watch.

As for the film’s visuals, Yogi Bear struggles to merge the live-action elements with the CGI-rendered characters convincingly as their integration often feels jarring, pulling audiences out of the experience instead of immersing them in the world of Jellystone Park. The environmental messages that the film attempts to convey are delivered heavy-handedly, lacking the subtlety that could have made them impactful, but perhaps the most disappointing aspect of this Hanna-Barbera-inspired mess is its missed opportunity to update the characters and their dynamic for a modern audience. The 1960s animated show was known for its clever satire, witty commentary and endearing characters, in contrast, this adaptation reduces Yogi and Boo Boo to mere caricatures of their former selves, devoid of the depth and personality that once made them beloved icons. The film’s attempts to shoehorn in references to the original show only serve as a reminder of how much better that source material was. In fact, if you want to watch a feature-length Yogi Bear movie there already is an excellent one to check out.

 

The film “Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear” came out in 1964 and is well worth checking out.

It’s clear that this Yogi Bear movie was nothing more than a blatant cash grab that attempted to capitalize on nostalgic property without understanding what made the original cartoon so special. Its lack of heart, originality is criminal and the end result was nothing more than another lame live-action adaption, such as Alvin and the Chipmunk and The Smurf. In the end, 2010’s Yogi Bear is a forgettable and regrettable attempt at adapting a beloved classic. Its weak script, uninspired performances and complete inability to capture the spirit of the original makes it a disappointment for fans and a missed opportunity for the filmmakers. This movie serves as a stark reminder that some things are best left in the past, untouched by the misguided attempts of modern adaptations.

Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear (1964) – Review

Hanna-Barbera ruled television animation for decades, from producing such classics as The Flintstones and Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! to more weird offerings like The Herculoids and Space Ghost and Dino Boy, but in 1964 they did the unthinkable and released not only their first theatrical feature but also the first animated theatrical film based on a TV series.

Released in 1964 and directed by Joseph Barbera and William Hanna, Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear takes the iconic characters from their popular television show and transported them lock, stock and picnic basket into a feature-length escapade that would take fans on an adventure with the mischievous and charming Yogi Bear.  Along with his faithful sidekick, Boo Boo, they would venture outside of Jellystone Park in search of new adventures and maybe a little rumpty-tumpty. The movie starts out like your average misadventure of Yogi Bear (Daws Butler), with his constant raiding of “pic-a-nic” baskets, until his latest scam results in a very fed-up Ranger Smith (Don Messick) sending him off to the San Diego Zoo for good, but Yogi isn’t one to take things lying down and he’s able con fellow Jellystone bear Corn Pone (Hal Smith) into taking his place. Yogi then adopts the guise of “The Brown Phantom” and begins a new reign of terror on the camper’s Lunchables.

 

“What in the hell is a Brown Phantom?”

Unfortunately, Cindy Bear (Julie Bennett), who is madly in love with Yogi, is unaware of the switch and when Boo Boo (Don Messick) tells her that Yogi had been sent to San Diego Zoo she decides to take the blame for the actions of “The Brown Phantom” so that she will be sent off on her own trip to zoo so that she can be reunited with her one true love. However, she gets sent to the St. Louis Zoo by train instead, as the San Diego Zoo does not need any more bears. But even that doesn’t quite go as planned as her cage falls off the train and she ends up in the clutches of Grifter Chizzling (Mel Blanc) and is brother Snively (J. Pat O’Malley) and their faithful dog Mugger (Don Messick) who collectively run a broken down travelling circus that is desperately in need of a successful new act. Will Cindy survive being forced to perform as a tightrope-walking circus bear? Can Ranger Smith avoid being fired by the park commissioner for gross neglect? Will Yogi and Boo Boo be able to track her down before it’s too late? All these questions and more will be answered in this rather delightful, animated adventure.

 

Is Yogi truly smarter than the average bear?

Stray Observations:

• The snickering dog owned by Chizzling Brothers would later become Muttley in the animated series Wacky Races (1968).
• The movie ends with Ranger Smith being promoted to Chief Ranger, despite the fact that he was identified as Chief Ranger at the beginning of the flick. Government oversight perhaps?
• I love how cartoon animals are considered naked as long as they have at least one article of clothing, whether it be a bow tie or a hat.

 

Of course, if you’re a girl, you have to wear a skirt.

The film’s strength lies in its ability to maintain the charm and humour that endeared Yogi Bear to television audiences while expanding the narrative into a feature-length format. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear cleverly blends the humour and slapstick antics that children adored with subtle witticisms that would elicit a chuckle from parents. The film retains the feel of the original “Yogi Bear” television series, maintaining its lighthearted humour and simple storytelling, and bringing it nicely to the big screen. The animation style also remains true to the classic Hanna-Barbera aesthetic of the era and its colourful and simple animation has a charming retro appeal. The character designs retain their original charm, capturing the essence of Yogi and Boo Boo’s personalities while introducing a new array of amusing supporting characters.

 

Villains who are as dumb as they are funny.

The animation style is typical of the time, showcasing colourful backgrounds and well-designed character models and while the animation may not match the fluidity and detail of today’s CGI, it exudes a nostalgic charm that still holds up for fans of classic cartoons. The voice acting is one of the film’s strongest points, with Daws Butler delivering a charismatic and endearing performance as Yogi Bear. His unique vocal talents bring the witty and lovable bear to life, making him a character that remains memorable even decades after its release. Furthermore, the film boasts a catchy and memorable musical score, with toe-tapping tunes that add to the overall enjoyment. The songs not only heighten the film’s emotional moments but also give it a distinct flavour that adds to its nostalgic appeal.

 

Kids will also learn about the “Birds and the Bears.”

In conclusion, Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear is a time-honoured animated gem that showcases the endearing personality of its titular character and his enduring appeal. While it may not possess the groundbreaking innovations of contemporary animated films, it stands as a testament to the enduring legacy of Hanna-Barbera’s iconic creations. So, gather the family, grab a picnic basket and settle in for a fun-filled adventure with Yogi Bear and his pals.

Robot Jox (1990) – Review

Long before Michael Bay delivered his version of The Transformers or Guillermo del Toro would pit massive robots against kaiju in his flick Pacific Rim, producer Charles Band and director Stuart Gordon would be the first filmmakers to bring giant fighting robots off the toy shelves and into the arena of live-action, sadly, unlike those other two filmmakers Gordon had to pull this off with a buck-and-a-half budget.

Inspired by the popular toy line of Transformers robot action figures, director Stuart Gordon and screenwriter Joe Haldeman created a science fiction story that was set in a post-apocalyptic world, one that envisioned a society where war was outlawed and territorial disputes between nations would be resolved through massive mechanized combat robots. Enter the robot jox, an elite group of gladiators who would pilot these giant mechs in ten contractual matches – what these warriors get if this target is met is never made clear – and the hero of our story is Achilles (Gary Graham) who fights for American Western-Influenced Market and has won nine fights and will fight his final match against Alexander (Paul Koslo), the top fighter for the Soviet-Russian-influenced Eastern Confederation, in a match that will decide who will own the territory of Alaska. Achilles is supported by robot designer “Doc” Matsumoto (Danny Kamekona) and strategist Tex Conway (Michael Alldredge) who is the only jox to win all ten of his contracted fights. The only problem, other than Alexander being a ruthless and murderous opponent, is that someone is leaking their weapon’s specifications to the enemy.

 

My money is on the blowhard in the stupid hat.

To add drama the proceedings, as if more drama was needed in a movie dealing with giant Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, we are introduced the first female jox, a genetically engineered “gen jox” named Athena (Anne-Marie Johnson), who along with her other test tube brethren are set to replace the old guard that Achilles represents. When a match between Achilles and Alexander goes disastrously awry, with three hundred spectators dying when a mech falls into the stands, Achilles is shaken by this and declares that this was his last contractual match and announces that there will be no rematch as he is now officially retired, despite most of the populace calling him a coward. But when it is announced that Athena will now face off against the murderous Alexander he returns to the Market and agrees to fight Alexander one final time. We certainly can’t have women fighting our battles now can we?

 

Achilles is more than meets the eye.

Stray Observations:

• The idea of war being replaced by a contest between global factions is quite similar to that of the Norman Jewison science fiction classic Rollerball.
• If you were to attempt a Robot Jox drinking game, where you take a shot anytime someone says the catchphrase “Crash and Burn” you’d probably be hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.
• Both Tex and Achilles make disparaging remarks about the idea of a female jox pilot, but just how physically demanding is it simply sitting inside a giant robot?
• Three hundred spectators are killed when Achilles’ battle-mech is knocked into the stands, being crushed under the massive robot, which begs the question, “Who the in the hell would sit that close to where two giant robots are duking it out with missiles and lasers?”
• The referees declare the match between Achilles and Alexander a draw, citing that the deaths of the spectators and the heroic if failed attempt to save them was irrelevant, but it’s never explained why Alexander’s illegal use of a long-range weapon didn’t disqualify the Confederation.
• Tex shoots Matsumoto in the head from across the room and then places the gun in the man’s hand to make it look like suicide, but for this to work forensics would have to no longer exist.
• There is a segment where both giant robots fly off into space that is as lame as it is pointless but I do give the filmmakers credit for not having sound in space.
• The film was supposed to end with Alexander electrocuting himself while trying to kill Achilles, a proper way for a villain to die, but during the ninth hour Gordon and Haldeman decided on a “Make love not war” ending, instead of the traditional villain comeuppance.

 

Not since Megaforce has an action film ended with this level of cheese.

While Robot Jox may not be a cinematic masterpiece it succeeds in capturing the essence of ’80s B-movie charm and Stuart Gordon clearly embraced its campy nature, with the film delivering cheesy dialogue, exaggerated characters and gloriously over-the-top action sequences. It’s the type of movie that knows exactly what it is—a low-budget extravaganza—and embraces it with open arms. Of course, the highlight of Robot Jox undoubtedly lies in its visual effects and considering the technological limitations of both time and budget the special effects wizard David Allen did surprisingly well. The stop-motion animation used to bring the giant robots to life is well-executed and the epic battles between towering metal behemoths provides an adrenaline rush and serve as the film’s main draw.

Note: Many of the designs were by an uncredited Ron Cobb of Blade Runner fame, and the battles themselves were achieved through both puppetry and stop-motion animation.

However, where Robot Jox falls short is in its storytelling, character development and a narrative that feels somewhat predictable, following a familiar hero’s journey formula without adding much depth or complexity to the plot. The characters are archetypal and lack the emotional resonance that could have added more weight to the film. But despite these flaws, the enthusiasm and dedication of the cast shines through, making their performances enjoyable and endearing if some times corny and laughable. I did appreciate that the relationship between Achilles and Athena was downplayed, he obviously has the hots for her but I don’t think it’s reciprocated, and other than a quick butt shot we don’t get any gratuitous nudity that you’d expect from a film of this type. We do get a fight between Achilles and Athena that results in a kiss, but that kiss is quickly followed by a kick to the nuts so that really can’t be considered a romance.

 

All’s fair in love and Robot Jox.

In terms of its legacy, Robot Jox didn’t achieve the same level of recognition as other sci-fi classics of its time, however, it has gained a cult following among fans of B-movies and ’80s nostalgia buffs and while not without its flaws it remains a testament to the creativity and ambition of filmmakers working with limited resources in an era before the dominance of CGI. The film truly shines during the intense robot battles as these adrenaline-pumping sequences delivered the excitement and spectacle viewers craved from a movie of this genre. The choreography and practical effects created tense and dramatic showdowns that would keep audiences on the edge of their seats, or would have if the film hadn’t bankrupted the studio and then took two more years before getting a very limited theatrical release and then being dumped on home video.

 

“Damn you Charles Band, damn you all to Hell!”

In conclusion, Robot Jox is an entertaining and nostalgia-inducing film that offers a fun ride for fans of ’80s sci-fi and giant robot battles. Its campy charm, coupled with impressive practical effects for the time, make it a worthwhile watch for those seeking a lighthearted and action-packed movie experience. While it may not reach the heights of other classics in the genre it remains a beloved cult favourite that continues to capture the imagination of robot enthusiasts and B-movie aficionados alike.

One Dark Night (1982) – Review

If I learned one thing from watching 80s horror movies is that pulling a prank will most likely result in a bunch of dead teenagers.  This is a cinematic trope that writer/director Tom McLoughlin embraced with his movie One Dark Night, an entry that pits a “Final Girl” against an army of the dead.

The movie centres around a young woman named Julie Wells (Meg Tilly) who is sick of being considered “boring” by her peers and to change this she decides to join a club entitled The Sisters, which consists of three snobby high school girls named Carol (Robin Evans), Leslie (Elizabeth Daily) and Kitty (Leslie Speights). Unfortunately, Carol is the ex-girlfriend of Julie’s new boyfriend, Steve (David Mason Daniels), and her jealousy leads her to use a local mausoleum as part of the hazing ritual. Can we guess how long it takes anyone to realize that the mausoleum is not just a spooky old building but a place where supernatural forces are at work?

 

“I hope we aren’t buried alive under a ton of re-animated corpses.”

The villain of this piece is a famed Russian occultist named Karl Raymarseivich Raymar, who at the beginning of the film is found dead in an apartment building along with six “murdered” girls. After Raymar’s funeral, his estranged daughter Olivia McKenna (Melissa Newman) and her husband Allan (Adam West) are approached by an occult journalist Samuel Dockstader (Donald Hotton) who explains to the couple that Olivia’s father was a psychic vampire who gained great telekinetic powers by kidnapping young girls, terrorizing them and feeding off the bio-energy they produced via their increased adrenaline because, you know, that’s a thing. Of course, Raymar was interred in the very mausoleum where our protagonist will be spending the night.

 

“I hope no evil necromancer tries to suck out my life energy.”

Stray Observations:

• If a corpse at a crime scene discharged a jolt of electricity, a blast strong enough that it punched a hole in the ceiling, I’d wait for a hazmat team before I touched anything else.
• This film’s Mean Girls wear purple satin jackets emblazoned with the word “Sisters” on the back as if they are trying to be an 80s version of the “Pink Ladies” from Grease.
• Tracking shots through the marble corridors of a mausoleum gave off a certain Phantasm vibe to it and this film came out only a couple of years after Don Coscarelli’s classic was released.
• As was the case for Tobe Hooper’s Poltergeist, the filmmakers used actual skeletons that were imported from India to have as props for this production.

 

As exports go, this is definitely a creepy one.

Hats off to Meg Tilly who gives a standout performance as Julie, a student who is initially skeptical of the supernatural occurrences but is able to quickly come to grips with the horrifying reality of these terrifying events. Fans of Adam West will also be happy as he delivers a solid performance in what could have been a rather thankless role as the doubting husband. And a nice round of applause should go to director Tom McLoughlin for not letting the stigma of Adam West’s campy persona as Batman from preventing him from casting him in this flick. West is given a few nice moments with co-star Melissa Newman, who herself comes across more as a crazed deus ex machina than a fully-fledged character.

 

Which one of these two will develop superpowers?

The movie does an excellent job of building tension with its claustrophobic setting of the mausoleum, creating an eerie atmosphere of dread, which is built up through the use of moody lighting, chilling sound effects and a haunting musical score, and this is what keeps the viewer on edge as McLoughlin attempts to build tension and suspense to keep the viewer on the edge of their seats. This is all aided by well-crafted special effects team and makeup artists who create a world of dread and horror, not to mention the film’s primary villain, a telekinetic corpse, which is particularly unsettling.

 

“I’m ready for my close-up, Mister DeMille.”

Where One Dark Night fails is in its pacing, the plot unfolds like molasses in January and despite the interesting subject matter, a telekinetic psychic vampire, the actual horror element doesn’t kick into gear until we are well past the hour mark, which isn’t good when your film clocks in at just under 90-minutes, and the stuff we are stuck watching prior to this point isn’t all that interesting, seeing Julie’s boyfriend tooling around town on his motorbike look for her is less than gripping, but when the last act finally does arrive it almost makes up for that long wait, well, almost.

Note: I hope you like this shot of Raymar’s cracked and glowing vault because we get to see it about a billion times throughout this film’s short running time.

Overall, One Dark Night is a well-crafted if sorely paced horror film, one that delivers plenty of scares and suspenseful moments, even if it takes a little too much time to get to the point, and unlike many of its contemporaries it is not overly gory and only gives us a little “side boob” in the nudity department, and while the structure may be a little thin it is still a well-constructed flick with acting is solid throughout, so if you’re a fan of classic 80s horror movies, then One Dark Night is definitely worth checking out.

Tarzan in Manhattan (1989) – Review

By the late 1960s, while Tarzan’s adventures may have faded from the big screen he was far from ready to hang up his loin cloth, Ron Ely had made him a staple of Thursday night viewings and he had quite the splash during the Saturday morning cartoon line-up in the 1970s, but today we will be looking at a late 80s live-action offering called Tarzan in Manhattan.

Released on CBS in 1989, Tarzan in Manhattan brought the iconic jungle hero into the heart of the urban landscape in this made-for-television movie, one that has pretty much been forgotten. This adaptation took the bold step of transplanting the legendary character from his natural habitat into the bustling streets of New York City in a typical “Fish out of Water” premise. This outing begins with Tarzan (Joe Lara) having a typical jungle day, which consists of swinging on a vine and saving his chimpanzee pal Cheetah from a crocodile, but paradise is shattered by the sound of a bullet and the murder of his ape mother Kala as well as the abduction of Cheetah. This leads to the classic hero cry of “Noooooo!” over his dead mom and a vow of vengeance.

 

“Tarzan, going to kick some serious ass.”

Tarzan seeks out his friend Joseph (Joe Seneca), a local storekeeper, to get the required paperwork for this journey out of Africa and into the concrete jungles of Manhattan, but the man warns Tarzan that “You’re going to be up against something stronger than poison darts, more cunning than killer snakes, and fiercer than Simba the Lion…New Yorkers.” With that piece of sage advice, Tarzan is off and running on his way to the big city where he will encounter various trials and tribulations, starting with his passport being flagged for some reason and him ending up behind bars at a detention centre. Of course, no mere bars can hold back the Lord of the Jungle, so after stripping off his jeans and muscle shirt – revealing that he never goes anywhere without his trusty loincloth – he rips out the bars and dives into the river below. He then spends most of the night sightseeing via a ride on the roof of a bus, in moments of less than stellar green screen.

 

“I couldn’t find my transit pass.”

Tarzan fails to mimic the “New York Hailing Cab Whistle” so he must resort to his classic jungle call, which leads to him meeting local cab driver Jane Porter (Kim Crosby) who, strangely enough, doesn’t seem to be put off by a man standing in the street mostly naked. He hands her the matchbook cover that he found at the “scene of the crime” and requests that she take him to the club it advertises – he can pay for her service with the various jewels he brought from home that he carries around in a bag hanging from his loin cloth – and after she sees him leap from her cab to stop a runaway carriage, as well as seeing his marvellous abs, she is more than willing to help this strange hunky man, even if states that he is “Tarzan of the Apes.” This scene also has one of my favourite exchanges between Jane and Tarzan.

Jane: “My name is Jane Porter, I’m twenty-six years old, single, the closest relationship I had lasted two months, I’m always the one who calls it off, I have a master’s in computer science from NYU and my shrink thinks I’m wasting my life driving a cab. So, who in the world are you?”
Tarzan: “I’m Tarzan of the Apes.”
Jane: “You did tell me that, didn’t you.”

After getting a fashion make-over they visit the night club from that matchbook clue, but while that visit is a dead-end Jane points out that the phone number written on the inside of the matchbook is an even bigger clue, which they later discover is to The Brightmore Foundation, a philanthropic organization run by millionaire B. B. Brightmore (Jan-Michael Vincent), and while Jane is dubious that such a benevolent and charitable institution could be behind ape-knapping Tarzan is not one to leave any stone unturned, even if the stones are that of a big city mansion. Lucky for Tarzan, Jane’s father Archimedes “Archie” Porter (Tony Curtis) is a retired cop who now runs a security agency and is a little more jaded when it comes to rich philanthropists. At first, he’s a little hesitant about Jane’s loin clothing-wearing friend but after Tarzan saves her from a gang of local street toughs he agrees to join the investigation. The three then crash a costume party at Brightmore’s mansion and discover that not only is he a Big Game Hunter, which is not in keeping with the man’s benevolent image, and they also discover that he has a secret lab where they are conducting illegal tests on animal brains, apparently, they can transfer the thoughts and knowledge of one creature into that of another.

 

Is this the secret home of Doctor Moreau?

What follows is your typical 80s action-adventure comedy with Tarzan, Jane and Archie trying to uncover the nefarious schemes of B.B. Brightmore.  We’ll get them sneaking around looking for clues, Brightmore will send a goon to kill Archie but only results in putting him in a come – they use the old gas line rigged to a light switch gag – and our heroes will not only have to evade the machinations of the villain but the New York City Police Department as well, in other words, hijinks ensue. There are some solid moments in this story, with the villain’s plan being at least a little unique, and the chemistry between Kim Crosby’s Jane and Joe Lara’s Tarzan is excellent, unfortunately, we also have to suffer through Tony Curtis and his horrible attempts at giving a comedic performance, as well as Cheetah stealing a police car. Let’s just say that not all of the events in this movie are all that realistic.

 

“Cheetah, watch the road!”

Stray Observations:

• In the Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, Kala was not killed by white game hunters but by a local tribe of cannibals, who felt the wrath of Tarzan in a most horrific fashion.
• In a flashback we see that Tarzan wasn’t born in Africa after his parents were shipwrecked, instead, their plane crashed while he was a small boy. This is closer to the origins of Boy in Tarzan Finds a Son.
• If the ape suit used for Kala isn’t the one made by Bob Burns for the 1975 television show The Ghost Busters it’s a dead ringer.
• This wasn’t Tarzan’s first cinematic journey to the Big Apple as we had Tarzan’s New York Adventure back in 1942, which was also Johnny Weissmuller’s last outing as the Ape Man.
• In this series we don’t get the classic Johnny Weissmuller “Me Tarzan, you Jane” speech pattern because, like the Ron Ely series, this is a more erudite Tarzan who speaks “perfect” English.
• Tarzan doesn’t use his jungle-tracking skills to hunt down the poachers but relies on finding a matchbook cover with the name of a New York City nightclub on it. This clue is brought to you by five hundred detective novels and television shows.
• Despite this being an updated Tarzan story, we still hear the classic “Tarzan Jungle Call” made famous by Johnny Weissmuller and Carol Burnett.
• Actor Jan-Michael Vincent once played a Tarzan-type character in the Disney movie The World’s Greatest Athlete (1973).
• Brightmore tells Jane “I’ve been a hunter for a long time, long enough to get bored” and as he later hunts Tarzan and Jane, this film checks off “The Most Dangerous Game” bingo card.

 

“I’ll also explain my entire plan like a classic Bond villain.”

Directed by Michael Schultz, this isn’t so much as an updating of Tarzan as it is a re-imagining of the characters found in the books – he’s still the Earl of Greystoke but Jane Porter isn’t a New York socialite and they don’t meet up in the jungles of Africa – and with its New York setting taking up the bulk of the film’s running time it doesn’t contain much in the way of your standard Tarzan jungle tropes that fans have become used to. There is certainly a far less chance of Tarzan calling for an elephant stampede as a less minute rescue in this outing, though to be fair, Johnny Weissmuller managed to pull that off on his New York Adventure.

 

“Jane, do you know where we can find a herd of elephants?”

Despite its fantastical premise, Tarzan in Manhattan does remain fairly grounded, with the relationship between Tarzan and Jane fairly believable, and the clash between nature, civilization and billionaires with thier evil plots somehow works. While some may find the film to be rather clichéd and silly at times this was the 80s after all, and it nonetheless offers a fun adventure with a Bond type villain and good dose of action.  The aforementioned chemistry between the two leads makes up for some of the film’s less than plausible plot elements. What is obvious is that film’s conclusion, with Tarzan agreeing to join the Porter Security Agency, makes it clear that this was a backdoor pilot and that they’d hoped it would become an ongoing series. Sadly, that never happened and further stories now rest in the area of fan fiction.

 

“How about another wacky adventure after breakfast?”

Overall, Tarzan in Manhattan is a charming and enjoyable television movie that offers a unique twist on the classic Tarzan mythos. With its blend of action, adventure, and humour it’s sure to entertain both fans of the original character and newcomers alike. However, your level of enjoyment may depend on your ability to handle Tony Curtis and his flamboyant comedy stylings and Jan-Michael Vincent’s cartoonishly evil villain. So, grab some popcorn and join Tarzan as he swings through the skyscrapers of Manhattan in this nostalgic adventure. Also, there nothing is cuter than two chimpanzees hugging.

Piranha (1978) – Review

A lot of Jaws rip-offs flooded cinemas during the late ’70s and earlier ’80s but Joe Dante’s aquatic gem stands as one of the best, in fact, it was so good that when Universal wanted to sue Corman’s studio it was Steven Spielberg who convinced them not to. If that doesn’t equal a good recommendation I don’t know what does. But great rip-off or not, how does Joe Dante’s Piranha hold up after all these years?

Released in 1978, amidst the wake of “Jaws Mania,” Dante’s film boldly swims into its own territory, delivering a schlocky yet immensely entertaining experience that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Set in the idyllic riverside town of Lost River Lake, the story follows a determined skiptracer, Maggie McKeown (Heather Menzies) and a local reclusive alcoholic, Paul Grogan (Bradford Dillman), as they unravel a sinister government conspiracy involving a top-secret experiment gone awry. The plot is kicked off when Maggie empties a pool containing a swarm of genetically altered piranhas into the local waterways – she believed that a pair of teens she was looking for may have drowned in the pool – and this sets off a chain reaction of chaos and bloody carnage.

Science Note: Despite their razor-sharp teeth and fearsome looks piranha do not eat humans, they eat fish and other life in the water.

Turns out that a scientist by the name of Dr. Robert Hoak (Kevin McCarthy) was the lead scientist on a project called Operation: Razorteeth, which had been designed to create mutated piranha that could withstand the cold waters of North Vietnamese rivers and thus be able to munch on the Viet Cong movement, but despite the project being scrapped some of these aquatic monsters survived. Their release into the Lost Lake River system results in our heroes having to make a mad dash to prevent these eating machines from making it to the local summer camp, where Grogan’s aquaphobic daughter (Shannon Collins) is located, needless to say, things don’t quite our hero’s way. Not helped by the summer camp being operated by an incompetent buffoon (Paul Bartel) and adult bully.

 

Spielberg killed one kid in Jaws while Dante wipes out an entire summer camp.

Director Joe Dante masterfully infuses his film with a blend of B-movie charm and genuine suspense and the practical effects by Rob Botin, though showing signs of age, still hold up remarkably well. The underwater attacks are shot with a suspenseful eye and the piranha puppets are surprisingly effective in creating moments of genuine fear and the use of miniatures for some of the underwater sequences adds a quaint charm to the film, reminiscent of classic creature features. These sequences are surprisingly tense, showcasing Dante’s skill in building suspense even in the murky depths. The script by John Sayles is rife with clichés, such as business man Buck Gardner (Dick Miller) who refuses to shut down his water park despite the dangers, and then there is your standard evil government cover-up  which in this film comes in the form of Colonel Waxman (Bruce Gordon) and former Razorteeth scientist Dr. Mengers (Barbara Steele) – and they are about as cartoony stupid as one could imagine, but that is all part of Piranha’s attraction.

 

“We’re not evil so much as incompetent.”

Stray Observations:

• If you break into a place that has a posted sign stating “Military Test Sit * Restricted Area * No Trespassing” you are either going to be eaten by piranhas or possibly turned into a gamma-irradiated monster, basically, whatever happens it’s on you.
• In a nod to the film this entry is ripping off, Maggie is introduced playing a Jaws stand-up arcade game.
• This film contains one of my least favourite clichés, where a character will refuse to do something, vehemently declaring “No I’m not” but then this is followed by a smash cut of them do exactly that.
• I know piranha are notoriously fast eaters but at one point a man is unable to pull his legs out of the water before the flesh is eaten off them and this is a bit ridiculous.
• We see a television showing the 1957 science-fiction/monster movie The Monster That Challenged the World, a film that also featured an aquatic menace.
• We get the classic “We can’t close the beaches, it’s the Fourth of July” cliché in the form of a water park being secretly funded by Colonel Waxman and run by charlatan Buck Gardner.

 

It’s not a proper Joe Dante film without Dick Miller.

Rip-off or not, Piranha isn’t your typical creature feature as its sly wit and biting satire brings it up a level, with Dante cleverly skewering government bureaucracy and corporate greed through the characters of Dr. Robert Hoak and Buck Gardner, one a scientist responsible for the disastrous experiment and the other a grifter whose drive to make money is put ahead of public safety. This isn’t exactly new ground but Dante delivers it all with a nice wink and a smile. It’s the film’s self-aware humour that adds an extra layer of enjoyment, inviting us to revel in its campy delights. Despite its modest budget and occasional rough edges, Piranha swims with confidence, propelled by Dante’s energetic direction and a cast committed to the madness. Menzies and Dillman share a dynamic chemistry, anchoring the film with their likable performances amidst the chaos unfolding around them, and while the characters may be somewhat archetypal, they serve the film’s purpose, making it an engaging and enjoyable experience.

Note: We see a small two-legged humanoid lizard scurrying around Hoak’s lab, a wonderful homage to the works of Ray Harryhausen that was created by Phil Tippet.

This film is great because it doesn’t shy away from its B-movie roots, with Dante embracing the genre’s low-budget origins and turning those limitations into strengths. The result is a film that has gained a dedicated fan base over the years, celebrated for its creativity and the genuine fun it provides. In the end, while Piranha may not reach the cinematic heights of its shark-infested predecessor it stands as a cult classic in its own right, a gleefully absurd thrill ride that knows exactly what it is and embraces it wholeheartedly. So, dive in if you dare as the waters of Lost River Lake run red with blood, and the piranhas are always hungry for more.